If a tree falls in a forest with no one to hear it, does it make a sound? Of course not. What’s it gonna say, “Oof. Who put that there? I hope nobody saw me because that would be really embarrassing. Whew, coast looks clear.”?

Trees don’t talk.

I like the word Kindergarten. It comes from the German, meaning “Child Garden.”

I think we should refer to all of our grade levels in the original German. Like, we would call third grade, “Drittergrad,” and we would call Senior year of high school, “DieBundasWasteofTimegrad.”

Come to think of it, I did call it that.

Ever wonder why it’s called “Double-u” instead of “Double-v”? Yeah, me too, when I was like 7.

This post goes out to Jimmy. I know that a lot of people say they don’t care, but I say don’t listen to them. Keep cracking that corn.

Is there a difference between polo shirts and golf shirts? Because if there isn’t, then they should just stick with one sport. And then make all those athletes figure out how to play it. How hard can it be, just get on the stupid horse.

I was looking at an American Flag today and realized that it used to look a lot cooler when it had 49 stars. 7 by 7. Beautiful. So, all we as a nation have to do is trim our state count down by one, so we can have an aesthetically pleasing flag. This is an easy task. All you need to do is combine North and South Dakota, call it Dakota, and North and South Carolina, and call it Carolina. They do that anyway.

Why did I combine 2 states, you ask? Well, the new state of Mikeland will have to be created to thank the genius who developed this plan. It’ll be in Southern California.

When I was little, I decided that I would name my kids Ben, Sam, and Jemima.  That way, somewhere down the line, there would be an Uncle Ben, an Uncle Sam, and an Aunt Jemima in my family.  Now that I’m older, I’m kinda upset that my parents didn’t think of that first.

The other day, I was walking along the sidewalk, and I accidentally kicked a pigeon. I kept walking until I realized, I just kicked a pigeon. What’s the deal, pigeon? How come you let me kick you? He didn’t even fly away. He just moved a little bit and looked at me like, “Whoa, there! Watch where you’re going!” No, buddy, you’re the one who can fly! Dumb pigeon.

Welcome to Shlake.com, the home of the Pake Shlake Band.

Now, we know what you’re thinking. Who the heck is the Pake Shlake Band? Well, we are, of course. But besides that, all you need to know is that we have a fun website.

Check back, and you won’t be disappointed.

Or you will be. We’re not making any promises.