Last week, we asked for Thanksgiving poems involving your favorite holiday character. Emily won with her limerick about McGuirky the Thanksgiving Chicken. I bet she’s thankful that she won. Oh yeah? I’ll take that bet.

Yesterday, Johnny described a scenario in which an alien race accidentally conquers planet Earth. We thought that would make a good movie. But we couldn’t figure out what to call it. So here’s this week’s Game Time question:

What should the movie be titled?

The best we had so far was, “Illegal Aliens,” and the tagline could be something like, “In space, no one can hear you sneeze.”

Got something better? Post it up, fuzzball.

You know how the aliens always say “We come in peace”? Well, what happens if we’re all allergic to aliens? Then after a few days of tea and crumpets with Sergeant Zormac, the President starts getting hives. After a friendly game of tiddlywinks with Mr. Blimkor, the Queen develops an oddly colored rash. Soon enough all the world leaders start getting sick, and we’re stuck with a leaderless world.

Then what happens? Naturally, Sergeant Zormac becomes Emperor Zormac, Mr. Blimkor becomes Mrs. Blimkor, and we have been duly conquered. “We come in peace”? Doesn’t look like it anymore, does it?

So the moral of the story is next time anyone tells you that they come in peace, blast the suckers before they go all Cortez on you.

I was driving past a store with a sign in the window that read, “75% Off Women’s Clothes.” Ooh la la!

 

 

 

Sometimes, when I’m alone, I talk to myself. Myself doesn’t listen either.

The Monday after thanksgiving might be the saddest day of the year. Your family is gone, you have to return to work, and now even something as delicious as a turkey sandwich loses some of its appeal because you’ve eaten it for the past 5 days.

But, perhaps the most annoying part to me is that everyone asks, “How was your Thanksgiving?” And, to be fair, it is an innocuous question; they are only asking to be polite. But, I think it would be more polite if they didn’t ask, because how many times can one person say, “Oh, it was good – we ate turkey, watched football, slept …” without getting a little perturbed?

So, today when someone asks me how my Thanksgiving was, I’m going to open my eyes real wide and say: “Oh my gosh! I missed it!” And then go running down the hall. That’ll teach ‘em.

For the game last week, we asked you to name some bad doctors. And the winner for that game is Sid for his answer, Dr. Dre. Congrats, Sid! And now, on to this week’s game:

Yesterday was Thanksgiving, as most of our American readers know. Our Canadian readers are probably thinking, “I thought Thanksgiving was in October, eh?” and our other readers around the world are thinking, “What’s Thanksgiving, and how do I get in on that?” Well, look no further than your friends from the Pake Shlake Band. We are making this week’s Game Time one where everyone can join in the fun.

Remember on Halloween when we asked you for scary stories? We are doing a similar game this week. But, instead of scary stories, we’d like poems. Poems that include your favorite Thanksgiving character, that is. What, like Squanto? Sure. Like Squanto. Or like Peter Von Porten, the Paltry Pilgrim. Basically, you can interpret “Thanksgiving Character” however you like. So here’s the game:

Write a Thanksgiving poem involving your favorite Thanksgiving character.

Ours would go something like this:

When the days start to shorten,
And the trees start to die,
We head to Peter Von Porten’s
To eat all his pie.

Put on your poetry caps, and try to top ours. Our poem, not our poetry cap. That is untoppable.

Someone who goes under-appreciated during this time of year is the person who invented Thanksgiving. He must have thought to himself, “Thanksgiving Thursday will be a holiday to celebrate all the gifts we have.” What a great idea. He recognized the strife of the pilgrims and the kindness shown to them by the Native Americans. He acknowledged the need to be thankful for our blessings. And perhaps most importantly, he essentially guaranteed that we get a four day weekend.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow, the day where we are all supposed to give thanks for the good things in our lives. But here’s my thing: why is it only once a year?

It’s like Mother’s Day or Earth day. Are we only supposed to appreciate our Moms on the second Sunday in May? Are we only supposed to care about the environment whenever the heck Earth Day is? Then why do we have to wait until November to eat turkey, mashed potatoes, and apple pie?

Ben Franklin wanted the National Bird of the United States to be the turkey. He probably wanted American families to eat bald eagle on Thanksgiving too.

Crazy coot.

Tennis is a strange sport. They make you be quiet. Imagine if other competitive sports made you do that. The referee would yell at you if you made noise. And both teams would give you dirty looks, as if to say, “Hey, dude, we’re playing a game here, could you please be quiet? I don’t come to your job and yell.” I find that strange. But, it makes focusing on net vibrations much easier.