One time my teacher asked us to write a 1000 word essay. I drew him a picture.

Last week, we asked a tough question about snowflakes, and the best explanation on why no two snowflakes are alike came from Sam. To quote: “snowflakes falling to earth are like women going to a party. do you think a woman would be caught wearing the same dress as someone else? no way.”

Yesterday, Johnny talked about renaming the seasons Spades, Hearts, Clubs, and Diamonds. So this week’s Game Time question is:

If you could rename the seasons, what would you call them?

While naming them after the suits in a deck would be fun, we’d probably change the names of the seasons to John, Paul, George, and Frankie Valli.

And you?

Look what I just figured out. There are 52 weeks in a year, right? And a deck of cards has 52 cards, right? Isn’t that amazing? “Amazing? No I don’t think that’s amazing. I think that’s pretty stupid.” Well who asked you anyway, buddy? “Uh, you just did.” Hmm…

But listen, it is amazing. Think of the possibilities. We could like, change all of our calendars to be playing card-based. Like we could change the seasons’ names from Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall to Spades, Hearts, Clubs, and Diamonds. Or we could keep summer, because I like that one. “And I don’t particularly like clubs.” Oh yeah, who asked you this time? “Sorry.”

Why do we call football “football”? You don’t really use your feet very much. I mean, you use them to run, but then you could call lacrosse “football” too.

We should make football’s name more accurately descriptive of the game. “Baseball” is a game with bases and balls. “Basketball” is a game with baskets and balls. So, naturally football should be called “Smashyball.”

I think I’m gonna start calling boxer shorts old school basketball player shorts because if you’ve seen a boxing match recently, they wear their pants down past their knees. But Bill Russell, that man ran around in his underwear.

I just realized something. In an earlier post, I mentioned that the bird who smacked into a window would be mocked by his bird friends.

But why would a bird have to have bird friends? Couldn’t he have badger friends, or woodchuck friends, or rabbit friends? I assumed that since he was a bird, he would have bird friends, and I realize that this was a prejudiced thing to say and I apologize.

My name is Mike and I am a speciesist. Admitting a problem is the first step.

Last week, we asked people to think of a good title for a movie involving aliens and their foreign diseases. Francis Ford wins for his title, “Allergic Reaction,” although we feel like we should give a shout out to Sam as well for his tagline #3: “These aliens are nothing to sneeze at. But you will.” Props to you both.

This week, Johnny contemplated the uniqueness of snowflakes. So, for this week’s game, we want your opinion.

Why is it that no two snowflakes are exactly alike?

Here is our answer:
No two snowflakes are exactly alike because, if they were, they wouldn’t be able to tell each other apart. And that would be embarassing for them: “Oh, I thought you were me.” “No problem, I thought you were me.” “You mean I’m not you?” “No.” “Oh.”

What’s your explanation? Let us know.

You know how they say that no two snowflakes are exactly the same? How do they know? I sure would hate to be that guy, devoting his whole life to examining snowflakes with his little magnifying glass, being careful not to touch them because that would ruin the whole thing. He couldn’t even breathe too heavily on them. And then he’d have to write all his observations down in little spiral notebooks that the bossman would collect and do further analysis.

Sounds miserable. But I bet when the bossman’s not around, he tries to catch a few on his tongue.

I’ve always been tempted to steal a golf cart, but it isn’t fast enough for the getaway.

Shouldn’t stop signs tell you when to go again? I mean, the sign is clear as day. STOP. Do not pass. It’s kinda like the slimy troll under the bridge. The sign says, “There ain’t noway you’re gettin’ past me.” And yet, people stop for a second, and then go right through.

It’s actually kind of disrespectful. It’s like we see the sign, know it can’t do anything about it and just walk on by. So it’s not like the troll. It’s like an old security guard. You stop because there’s a security guard, but once you see that he’s really old and couldn’t catch up with you if he wanted to, you just go by.

Poor old stop sign.