When you are a little kid, and your parents want you to eat vegetables, they always say, “Broccoli looks like a tree, so when you eat it, you feel like a giant.” But, if I were a giant, I wouldn’t eat trees, either.

If I were king, I would rename my country Nopar. That way, I could park my car wherever I wanted. You see, even if there was a sign that said “NO PARKING,” I would interpret that to mean the spot is reserved for the “Nopar King” which would of course be me.

Besides, if someone dared give me a parking ticket, I’d have them thrown in the Nopar Dungeon.

President Bush delivered the State of the Union address last night. There were lots of times throughout the speech when everyone in the audience stood and clapped. Well, everyone except the Supreme Court justices. Since they are supposed to be impartial observers, they don’t clap at all, as that might show bias. In general, this is a good policy. But, when the President says, “America opposes genocide in Sudan” and the justices are the only people not clapping, it makes them look bad.

“Okay. What if you had two super powers?” Mike asked.

“Dude, what’s your problem? Alright, alright, let’s see. I already can fly, right? So I guess I’d need to be able to land.” Johnny said.

“That’s not a super power. Anybody can land.”

“Oh right, right. Super power. I thought you just said power. So, let’s see. I can fly. And I can land. I can’t swim, but that’s my fault. I don’t know. You have any ideas?”

“Dude, come on! You know, laser vision, super strength, lasso of truth, spidersense, the ability to talk to fish: super powers!”

Then it hit him. “Invisibility!” Johnny exclaimed! And so did I, the narrator.

Last Friday, we asked all of you to drop a letter from the alphabet. Lorenzo wins for eliminating the double u. Uuouu!

On Tuesday, Mike spoke of his love for piñatas. We thought we would spread the love:

What would you fill your piñata with?

The easy answer is candy. But as for us, we think we would fill it with…mini piñatas. How great would it be to break open a piñata to find dozens of little piñata offspring raining down on you. You can keep it as a souvenir of good times had, or fill it with little doggie treats for a party for your doggie! Ah, endless possibilities! Now, it’s your turn.

You know the expression, “You’ve made your bed, now lie in it”? I think it is used to mean, you did something wrong, now you are getting what you deserve. But I’m not sure that this analogy works. What is the bad thing we did? Making the bed? And then we get to lie down in a nicely made bed. Why is that a punishment? I think we should change the expression to: “You didn’t make your bed, now you have to sleep on the uncomfortable sofa.” Now, that’s getting what you deserve.

I’ve got a slight problem with technology. No, it’s not that it makes us lazy or that it hurts the environment or that we’re becoming too dependent on it and if the machines try to turn on us we will be inevitably defeated. None of that. In fact, I like technology as much as the next guy. Unless the next guy is Amish, of course, then I like it slightly more than the next guy.

No my problem is with the word. You see,”-logy” means the study of. Biology is the study of bio, or life. Chronology is the study of chrono, or time. Zoology is the study of things you might find in a zoo.

Clearly, technology is the study of techno, strange music heard in European discos. And I for one am not a fan.

People don’t use piñatas enough in society. I mean, they are amazing things. You get to pick whatever shape you want them to take, fill them with whatever you want, smash the heck out of them, and then get the reward. If only those claw games at amusement parks were that easy.

As the two began to eat their Super Hero pizza, Mike thought of a good game.

“I thought of a good game,” Mike said redundantly. “If you were a super hero and could have any super power, what would it be?”

“Dude, it’s like you don’t even know what a game is,” Johnny said. “In order to be a game, there has to be a winner.”

“Oh, yeah? What about the game of life?”

“The Millionaire Tycoon wins.”

“True enough,” Mike said. “Okay, how about this? I have a philosophical question: If you were a super hero and could have any super power, what would it be?”

“That’s better.” Johnny thought about it for a while, and said, “I don’t know. Why?” Clearly, he hadn’t thought about it long enough.

“Come on, dude. Just answer the question.” Mike said.

He thought about it for a while longer and said, “Well, I guess it would be cool to be able to fly. I mean, that way, I could like get out in a hurry if I ever needed to.”

“Yeah, that would be cool,” Mike said. “But lots of super heroes can fly. Wouldn’t you want something original?”

“Dr. Pepper is the taste of originality, but I’d take a Coke any day. And I want to fly.”

For last Game Time, we asked for everyone’s favorite President’s Day Carols. DJ made a valid point, that the rules didn’t say the song had to be a Christmas song parody. But, DJ doesn’t win. Emily gave a shoutout to Gerald Ford. Unfortunately, since he was elected neither as president nor vice president, we don’t think he is a worthy winner of a President’s Day Game Time win. Elizabeth’s answer, while maybe clever, was gramatically incorrect, and we at the Pake Shlake Band doesn’t hate nothing no more than gramaticals incorrectitudeness. So, Tony wins by default, and since his answer applied to the most number of Presidents, since there have been more Democrats in the White House than Gerald Fords or Bill Clintons. Congrats to Tony. And, don’t forget, since two weeks ago there was no winner, Tony gets double props. Props Props to to Tony Tony.

Earlier in the week, Johnny talked about changing alphabetical order. We thought that in the process we might as well do some spring cleaning, too:

Which letter should be eliminated from the alphabet?

We think it should be “Q”. Hey, Q what are you, a little scaredy cat? Can’t go out and play without your buddy U? Well, here’s some news for you, U is going out without you! He’s having a grand old time at the mUseUm, and the football stadiUm. But where are you, Q? Stuck in IraQ.

Think U can do better? Yeah, we think so, too. Post it.