Earlier today I heard the word “Kombucha,” pronounced “Kom-BOO-cha,” and I fell in love with the Chinese Magical Health Elixir. Then I smelled the stuff. I quickly fell out of love with Kombucha. Then I said the word out loud again. KomBOOcha. And I liked it just fine. Then I heard that even though it is supposed to make you healthier, there have been studies that it gives people jaundice and makes them vomit, and I didn’t like it so much again.

It looks like I have an on-again, off-again relationship with an ancient Chinese tea.

As the three pondered a way to get inside the abandoned warehouse, Mike ran around the house to look for any openings. A half-second later, he was back.

“Nope, no luck,” Mike said. “The only other thing I can think of is maybe there’s an entrance on the roof they didn’t board up.” Both Mike and the fox looked at Johnny. He looked back at the two of them, and shook his head.

“Come on, please?” Mike said.

Johnny sighed and rolled his eyes. “Alright, I’ll check.”

“Johnny, just do it! We have to train. This is important for our development. And what kind of super hero doesn’t ever use his powers? I mean, you might as well not even have them!”

“Dude, who are you talking to? Johnny agreed. He’s already on the roof.”

“Oh. I guess I figured he’d put up more of a fight.”

Mike and the fox stood looking up towards the roof, waiting for Johnny to come back down. After a few moments, he did.

“Guys, it’s perfect. There is a door up there, it’s unlocked and it leads downstairs. There are no lights or anything, so we will have to provide that ourselves. But, even if there were, we wouldn’t be able to use any of it, since then someone would know there are people inside.”

“There’s one problem,” Mike said. “I can’t fly.”

“Oh, snap.”

Our last Game Time involved stories about pirates. Based on your votes, Big A won, for his clever response about the economic crisis. Nothing like an economic crisis to get us thinking about pirates. Well done.

So, as you probably know, jokes were a big part of this week’s theme; that is to say, jokes were this week’s theme. We talked about jokes, and jokes, and more giocs. So, to continue the week’s theme, our gioc will be about jokes.

Think of a better set-up question to the following punchline.

Throw two dictionaries and a cookbook on the floor!

Our original question: Wanna know how to quickly drop 10 pounds?

Our new question: What do you do when you see a huge cockroach crawling on the ground?

See? Simple as pie. No, not simple as pi. Pi is a very complicated mathematical concept. Pie is a delicious dessert. Post your answers, or rather, your questions, in the comments.

Hello, folks! With all this talk about jokes, we decided to have another lesson in Shlakese. You remember Shlakese, don’t you? You don’t? Brav.

joke -
  1. a joke, in it’s normal sense; also called a chiste, pronounced cheeste, derived from the Spanish word of the same spelling, which means, as you might suspect, joke.
  2. a game; also spelled gioc, since this definition comes from the word “giocco,” Italian for game.

Now, we will use both forms in an example, with the difference in spelling to help you understand context.

Example:
Mike: What’s a good joke?
Johnny: Scrabble.
Mike: No man, not gioc. Joke.
Johnny: What?
Mike: You know? Chiste? Joke?
Johnny: Oh, I thought you meant joke like gioc.
Mike: Well, do you have a good one?
Johnny: What does a prisoner use to call home?
Mike: I said a good joke. Brav.

See? It’s as simple as that. So play a joke on your friends by asking them if they want to play a gioc.

Arr, last Friday be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arr! We forced ye scallywags tell yer best pirate tales, an’ now it be time fer a pirate lord to be crowned. Cast yer votes.

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Ye best be sure to vote, fer we pirates are nothin’ if not democratic.

Yesterday, Mike told everybody a joke! I like jokes. They’re awesome! Ooh ooh, I got one, I got one.

Knock Knock

Psst. I said,

Knock Knock

Dude, you guys stink at jokes.

Hey, I just heard a funny joke yesterday. Wanna hear it?

Wanna know how to quickly drop 10 pounds?
Throw two dictionaries and a cookbook on the floor!

Ok, I have a few confessions to make. 1. I actually didn’t hear that joke yesterday. 2. It’s actually my joke. 3. It’s actually not funny.

When we last left our brothers, their friend the fox had dutifully led them to an abandoned warehouse to begin their training. Unfortunately, they were as of yet unable to get inside.

“Doesn’t one of you have something to get us inside, like a ball of fire or something?”

“No, Mike doesn’t have ball of fire, despite his attempts.”

Mike looked around shiftily.

“What? Do you know how to get inside?” Johnny asked.

Mike smiled and nodded.

“How then?”

Mike shook his head and pointed to his vocal cords.

Johnny rolled his eyes. “Fiiiine. How many times have I said your name?”

Mike held up two fingers.

“Mike.”

At the sound of his name for the third time, Mike finally began speak. “Man, jinx stinks.”

“So, how do we get inside then?”

“Oh, I have no clue, I just wanted you to say my name again.”

Ahoy, ye landlubbin’ bilge rats! As Cap’n Shlake be notin’ yesterday, today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Aye! And since the crew of the Pake Shlake Band have always been inclined ter talk silly, we can nary think of a better holiday! And, in fact, we be making you lily-livered cockroachers celebrate it too, with today’s Game Time. But first, it be pleasin’ ter the crew if we declared the winner of last week’s game. Max, the scourge of the seven seas, be the victor. And he be gettin’ some booty, where booty means a shout out.

Arr, ye scabbies, now it be time for this week’s game. And here it be:

Write an enjoyable short story in pirate talk.

And please be keepin’ yer sea yarns short, under 40 words. How can ye write a tale in so short a span, says you? Check out ours, says I.

Where be I? It was dark as pitch. A rotten foul stench was in the air. A brig? Nay. I looked around. Smelly old socks. Sweaty towels. Oh no! It be Davy Jones’ gym locker!

See, me hearties? It be easier’n than takin’ rum from a merchant vessel. Post yer sea yarns in the comments. And be thankful ye can, because remember: Dead men tell no tales.

Tomorrow is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Arrrr! I guess that makes today International Don’t Talk Like A Pirate Day. Arrr? How bout we just make it International Talk Like A Pirate If You Choose To But It’s Not Mandatory Day? Arrr!