They told me not to go down the alley...

We had another edition Game Time poetry last week, where we asked you to describe a television show in haiku form. After a close vote, Meg wins with her ode to Tony Micelli. Unfortunately, her last line was "Who IS the boss?" which is only four syllables, as opposed to the required five. So, we have to strip her of her title, so soon after victory. To symbolized our mourning, there will be no winner this week. Tragic.

Speaking of tragedies, today is Halloween. BOO! Last Halloween, we had a pretty successful Game Time contest, where you had to write a scary story. We will reprise that game.

Write a Halloween story (50 words or less) that begins “They told me not to go down the alley…”

To give you an idea of what a story is, here is ours:

They told me not to go down the alley. But what did they know? It was late, but I was feeling brave. I crept down the alley. Then, my heart froze. I realized they were all right. It was a dead end! So, I turned and left the alley.

Ooh! Having to double back! Scaaary! Think you can do better? We hope so. Post your stories below.

Vote for Mr. Belve-who?

Last week, Johnny talked about the wondrous (Wondrous? Wonderous? Thunderous!) theme from Mr. Belvedere. That made us write a haiku about the series. And that made us ask you to do the same about your favorite sitcom. Or any sitcom really. Here's what you all submitted.

[poll=15]

Pick your favorite as fast as you can. Voting closes tomorrow morning and we forgot to post until now!

Leftovers

So I had Chinese food for dinner last night, and I forgot to put the leftovers away before I went to bed. When I woke up this morning, I remembered the food and was sure it was gonna be covered in ants. I ran downstairs to check and, thankfully, the food was fine. But my chopsticks had attracted termites.

Joke not Gioc

Time for a joke.

What's the difference between a locomotive and a schoolteacher?
There are several differences. I don't really know what you're getting at.
You know...it's a joke. What's the difference between a locomotive and a schoolteacher?
Well, um I guess one is a mode of transportation made out of steel, and the other is a human being who instructs children.
You got it!

Alaska

Chapter 41: The Storyline

When we last left our heroes, they were taking an extraordinarily long time to find out what is inside the warehouse.

"And when we last left the narrator, he was moving the story along at a snail's pace," Johnny said. The narrator thought for a moment, and realized the truth in Johnny's critique.

"Really?" Johnny asked.

"Really?" Mike asked.

Really.

"Great!" Mike said. "Let's move this story along then and get to the good stuff, like the training and crime fighting!"

Sure thing. But we should probably wait until next week.

"No!" Johnny protested. "Start now, let's get this story rolling."

Not wanting to anger the heroes, the narrator obliged. The two brothers made their way down to the ground floor and with the help of their flashlights and miner helmets, saw that the huge warehouse would be a perfect place to begin training.

"Wow, it is perfect," Mike said. "But, I wonder why the narrator is being so nice to us."

"It is a little suspicious, maybe he's just in a friendly mood."

And the two began to set up a workout center for their training and decided not to fire the narrator, despite the current state of the economy.

Mr. Belve-who?

Our last week's Game Time asked you to give the two presidential candidates American Gladiator nicknames. We counted the votes and the winner is...us! That's right! We got the most votes for our answer of Methuselah and Gibraltar. Thanks to everyone who voted, but a special thanks to everyone who voted for us.

Earlier in the week, Johnny made a reference to Mr. Belvedere. In the comments, Tony made an interesting point: What is the deal with Mr. Belvedere? So, in an effort to explain that sitcom and others, we thought of this game:

Write a haiku explaining the plot of a television show.

Here is ours:

A world-renowned butler
decides to move to Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh? Why, oh why?

That haiku summarized Mr. Belvedere. Get the idea? Haiku it up in the comments.

Eating a Horse

Man, I haven't had lunch yet, and I am starving. I am so hungry I could eat a horse! But I won't bet on it.

Vote for American Seniators

Last week, Johnny suggested that the third presidential debate be replaced with American Gladiator jousting. We liked the idea and asked you all to come up with names for the candidates. Like Nitro or something. Here's what you said.

[poll=14]

Pick your favorite, and the winner will be announced domani matti if you know what I'm sayin'. Chnom sain?

Here's a change in the status quo

You know when you really like a song, but no one else is really into it, but then for some reason or another it gets really popular, and then everyone likes it, and then it gets lots of air time on the radio, and then you start kind of getting annoyed by the song, and then you can't like it anymore, but it's still getting played all the time because everyone else is demanding it, and then you're stuck not liking a song you like and listening to it when you don't want to?

That's how I feel about the theme from Mr. Belvedere.

Drill, Baby, Drill

Chapter 40: The Third Beam of Light

Johnny stopped in the middle of the cat walk. An extra beam of light had joined those of the two brothers.

"Johnny, what's wrong?" Mike whispered.

"Someone is following us."

"Should I turn around to see who it is?"

"OK, but be careful..." Johnny answered, still rooted to the spot.

Mike turned around, and instantly the light that Johnny had seen had gone.

"I don't see anything, " Mike said, turning back around.

"Yeah, I guess it's gon- It's back!" Johnny said.

"Where is he?" Mike again turned away, and as he did, the light disappeared.

"That's weird," Johnny said. "Wait a minute..." Johnny turned around to face Mike. As Mike turned to face his brother, the mystery of the light was quickly resolved.

"Dude, you have a miner's helmet on!"

"Oh, yeah!" Mike said, looking up. "Want one?"

American Seniators

We had another round of Headliners last week, with the article in question about our first birthday. After a close vote, it turns out that Sam wins with his headline: "shlake.com turns one. Brav." Congratulations, Sam. Or rather, brav.

Earlier in the week, Johnny said the two candidates should just joust it out, American Gladiators style, to decide the winner. That got us to thinking of this question:

Give John McCain and Barack Obama American Gladiator names.

American Gladiator names. You know, like Nitro, Gemini, Bronco, Titan. You get the idea. We think the two should be named Methuselah and Gibraltar. Get it? Cause McCain is really old and Barack sounds like rock? Yes, well, anyway, now it's your turn. Post it in the comments.

Vote for Birthday News

This past Friday, we started another game of Headliners, and you've submitted your headlines. Reread the PSB original article summary and then vote for what should title the news report.

The website shlake.com, the official home of the Pake Shlake Band, turned one on Wednesday. The two founders, Mike and Johnny, were seen dancing behind a cake with a big flaming number one in it.

[poll=13]

Vote soon. Tomorrow the article is going to print. Or something.

The Third Debate

So tonight, Presidential hopefuls John McCain and Barack Obama will face off in their third and final debate. But I know all about the first debate. I saw the Vice-Presidential debate. And by the time of the second Presidential debate, I was terribly bored. I can't bear to watch another one.

That's why I've got an idea. Instead of having the two candidates stand at a podium talking about the same stuff they've talked about for weeks, why don't we let them face off in a way that we all want to see - a jousting competition. No, no. Not old school jousting with knights and horses (or knightless jousters). I'm talking about American Gladiator jousting.



And once they're done, they can see which one can win at Assault.

Chapter 39: Inside the Warehouse

The two brothers were in mid-air, Mike grabbing on to Johnny as they made their way towards the roof. After a bit of a struggle, the two made it to the top. Johnny landed, and Mike fell onto the floor.

"Thanks, " Mike said.

"No problem, " Johnny replied, rubbing his neck. "Except, man, it was an effort."

"Well, maybe you should get super strength."

"And maybe you should get SlimFast."

Mike picked himself off the ground, and the brothers made their way to the door. Johnny opened the bag of supplies they had just bought and handed a flashlight to Mike. "Alright, let's have a look."

Johnny led the way, entering the warehouse and shining his flashlight into the darkness. It struck against a flight of stairs which the two cautiously walked down. A flight below, the concrete steps turned into metal ones and the two began to make their way onto a catwalk, Johnny still in the lead with Mike just a few steps behind. From the brothers' flashlights, two beams of light shone down below to the empty warehouse. Suddenly, Johnny froze. A third beam of light had started to shine.

Birthday News

Last week, your Game Time goal was to come up with a sentence or two about Kombucha. After the votes were tallied, Tony came out as the winner. You did a kombucha job!

This week, we will play your favorite PSB original game, Headliners. Recently, we at the Pake Shlake Band have been going a little political. (Have you seen Mike's political cartoons?) So, we have decided to change gears a bit, and go with an article totally unrelated to politics for you to give a headline to. Here it is:

The website shlake.com, the official home of the Pake Shlake Band, turned one on Wednesday. The two founders, Mike and Johnny, were seen dancing behind a cake with a big flaming number one in it.

Here is our headline:
Shlake.com Turns One: Who Cares?

Your turn to make a headline. Put your responses in the comments.

Main Street, Not Wall Street

Vote for Kombucha

Alright here we go: kombucha, cominatcha. We asked you all to come up with a new definition for the word Kombucha and use it in a sentence. The word, not the definition. Pick your favorite.

[poll=12]

Remember to Kombucha because the poll will close first thing tomorrow morning.

Happy Birthday Us!

Today, Shlake.com is one year old! Woo-hoo! We should start walking soon. We've been spewing out incoherent babble for quite a while now.

The VP Debate

Dream Sequence

You ever have that dream where you're standing in front of a group of strangers and you're handed a microphone and forced to sing "Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club? And then you get confused and sing "Karma Police" by Radiohead by mistake? But you forget the words and just hum half the time anyway? But the crowd is loving it? Until they realize you're not Jon Bon Jovi and get really disappointed?

Yeah, well that happened to me this morning.

The Bailout

Chapter 38: The Solution

The two brothers were at an impasse. They knew the only entrance was on the roof, but only one of them had access to it. "Alright," Johnny said. "Let's go to the store and get some flashlights and battery powered lamps. We will look around, and then try to reaccess our options." He then turned to the fox. "You stay here, and try to think of a way that Mike can get to the roof that other, shall we say, slower people can't."

"Will do," said the fox.

So, with that Mike and Johnny went to the local hardware store for their supplies. When the two returned, the fox was still outside, looking significantly dirtier, but with no visible progress on a path to the roof.

"I'm still working on it."

Johnny turned to Mike. "OK, I guess this time I'll have to fly you up, but in general this is not going to work."

"Um, how should we do it? Should I grab onto your feet, or should you carry me like a bride?"

"Dude, don't ever suggest I carry you like a bride again. Get on my back." Mike wrapped his arms around Johnny's neck, as the two prepared to lift off.

"Do you feel like Fezzik in Princess Bride with me around your neck like this?" Mike asked.

"If you mean because I feel like I'm about to pass out from suffocation, then yes." And with that, Johnny slowly started to rise off the ground.

Kombucha

It was Joke Time last Friday, where we ask you to create a set-up for a predetermined punchline. We counted the votes, and Tony edged out the competition. Well done.
On Tuesday, Johnny mentioned a magic Chinese elixir. We thought we would make this week's Game Time about it.

Use the term "Kombucha" in a sentence or short dialogue.

But, you don't have to Kombucha to mean Kombucha. That is to say, create your own imaginary definition, and let context clues make your definition clear. Here is ours.

Mike: Hey, what's that?
Johnny: Oh, it's a Kombucha.
Mike: Aw, it's so cute!
Johnny: Don't touch! It's poisonous!

See how it works? In our dialogue, Kombucha was some sort of cute yet poisonous creature. Now, you try.

The First Debate

Mike's Political Cartoons

Hello, folks! As you may know, we at the Pake Shlake Band are big fans of politics. (We are?) (Well, not really big fans, sort of average fans.) (Ok, that's better.)

As you may know, we at the Pake Shlake Band are sort of average fans of politics. And, we find political cartoons enjoyable. But, not that enjoyable. In fact, we think they stink. Big time. And to show this, we have decided to start doing our own political cartoons. (Whaat?) Mike has taken it upon himself to enter the cartooning business. He is not the best artist. In fact, we think he stinks. Big time. But, we figured, what the heck? So, in the next few days, you might see some political cartoons on this site.

Let us know what you think. Your feedback is always appreciated. As long as it is positive.

Vote for Gioc about Jokes

You ever hear the one about dictionaries and cookbooks? We heard like ten of 'em. Pick which joke is the funniest.

[poll=11]

Vote quickly because the polls close tomorrow at 9. Get it?

And If You Don't Know, Now You Know, Shlakers

You know the rapper the Notorious B.I.G.? Biggie Smalls? Yeah, him. He has a song called "Juicy", and here are some of the lyrics:

Now I'm in the limelight 'cause I rhyme tight
Time to get paid, blow up like the World Trade

It is an interesting allusion to the attacks of 9/11. More interesting is that this song was released in 1994, seven years before the terrorists attacked New York City and Washington DC in 2001. It seems as though Biggie Smalls is a modern day Nostradamus. Now, I am just waiting to see which of the honeys have his baby. Baby.