It’s New Year’s Eve. You know what that means…

Time to get out the staves and cow hide!!

Have fun everybody.

As Christmas comes and goes, sometimes you hear people say that we should keep the spirit of Christmas, one of goodwill and peace, alive after the holiday season and celebrate Christmas all year long. And I couldn’t agree more. Four-day work weeks!

Mike and Johnny were discussing the Wonder Twins ability.

“Hey, do you think we have a power like that?” Johnny asked.

“You mean a totally useless one?”

“No, I know we have those,” Johnny replied, as Mike was now wearing Mickey Mouse ears. “I mean a power that we can’t use unless we are both around.”

“I don’t know, let’s try!” Mike said.

“So, how do we test it out?”

“Well, the Wonder Twins say, ‘Wonder Twin powers activate!’, but we are not Wonder Twins.”

“Or losers. What if we say, ‘Sniggity snap – it’s time for a clap!’, and then we clap our hands?” Johnny suggested.

“I thought you said we weren’t losers.”

The fox shook his head.

“Stench man!” The two shouted at fox simultaneously. Then they high-fived each other for their cleverness. The fox stopped shaking his head midshake, his head facing left.

“What, do you see something?” Mike asked. The fox remained motionless. A few seconds later. He spoke.

“What the heck did you guys do to me? I was frozen there.”

“Really?” Johnny said. “Our magic phrase is “Stench man”?”

“Our father will be so proud!”

Ho Ho Ho! Happy Boxing Day! That’s right, folks! Today is Boxing Day. And what a wonderful Boxing Day it is? No. What a wonderful Boxing Day it is! We have a special Game Time just for you. But first, we must declare the winner from last week.

We wanted to know the weirdest lyrics to a Christmas song. After voting, it turns out that most people think that the song about the dysfunctional family, where the child thinks his father would enjoy watching his hussy-of-a-wife hooking up with Santa, has the weirdest lyrics. Hard to argue with that one. Well done, Emily, for nominating that song.

Now, onto this week’s game. And do you know what today is? Why, that’s right! It is Boxing Day! Now, we know what you are thinking. “Boxing Day? We don’t celebrate that in America. That’s a Canadian holiday. And we hate Canadians.” Let us explain ourselves. We are all for gift-giving holidays, and since Boxing Day is a gift-giving holiday, we are all for it! However, we do have one problem with Boxing Day. It sets a horrible precedent. We now have Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, December 27th. Well, December 27th looks over his shoulder and says, “Hey! How come I don’t have a cool name?” Next thing you know, every day will have a name instead of a number, and then where will we be? Numberless. Then people will schedule a business meeting on Hamburger Day and go out to the movies on Suitcase Day. And since know one has any clue whether Hamburger Day comes before or after Suitcase Day, no one will be able to get any work done. Ooh, no work, you say? As in vacation all the time? We no longer have a problem with Boxing Day. In fact, we have decided to speed up the process.

What should we call December 27th?

We think we should call it Pake Shlake Band Day. It was, after all, the Pake Shlake Band who ensured perennial vacations for all. Your suggestions? Post them. Who knows? Next year we could be writing a post on the day you have named. Except probably not, since Pake Shlake Band Day will fall on a Sunday, and we don’t work weekends. Regardless, post your nominations.

It’s Christmas! You know what that means? Time to vote on weirdest lines from Christmas songs!

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Ho ho ho. Vo vo vo. Vote.

You know the song “Frosty the Snowman”? You may know it as a friendly tale of a snowman who comes to life and plays with little kids. But if we look at the lyrics, there is certainly something else going on. He’s a criminal, plain and simple, who is trying to corrupt the children. Don’t believe me? Let’s go to the text.

Frosty the Snowman
Knew the sun was hot that day
So he said let’s run
And we’ll have some fun
Now before I melt away

Translation: Frosty, the “Snowman” as he is known on the streets, has recently broken out of jail. With the police hot in pursuit, he wants to “have some fun”, i.e. commit crimes, before the cops catch up with him.

Down to the village
With a broomstick in his hand
Running here and there all around the square
Saying catch me if you can!

Translation: Frosty carries a “broomstick” i.e. is packing heat, and goes into town to wreak havoc. He hits up a bank, then taunts the police as he makes his getaway, saying “Catch me if you can, coppers!!!”

He led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop
And he only paused a moment when
He heard him holler, “Stop!”

Translation: He accidentally runs into a traffic cop who tries to arrest him, but Frosty flees police pursuit.

Frosty the Snowman
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye
Saying don’t you cry
I’ll be back again some day

Translation: Frosty hightails it out of town with the police hot on his tail, tells the kids he has to lay low for a while, he’ll be back after statute of limitations expires.

Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go

Translation: The children watch as their “friend” abandons them. Frosty speeds off with a line of police cars following him.

What a happy Christmas tale!

So, I remember learning about this in religion class or something back when I was little. Around the time of the first Christmas, somehow the king found out, either from an angel or one of the wise men or somebody, that a baby was about to be born and he would become the king of Israel. Well, current king wasn’t too pleased about that, so he ordered all newborns to be killed. You know, just in case.

So I was listening to “Do You Hear What I Hear” on the radio – because that’s what’s on at this time of year – and I was listening to the part where the shepherd boy talks to the king. He tells the king that there’s a newborn in Bethlehem. Then, the next line of the song is “Said the king to the people everywhere, … the child, the child sleeping in the night, he will bring us goodness and light.”

I guess that sounds better than, “Said the king to his minions everywhere, … the child, the child sleeping in the night, let us murder him like all the other babies we killed earlier in the week.”

When we last left our heroes, Johnny had just sounded suspiciously like he already had a cape and was just waiting for the right moment to reveal that fact. That time was now.

“Okay, I do have a cape, and I plan on wearing it!!”

“Dude, chill out. You can wear a cape.”

“Yes! I am victorious!” Johnny said.

Mike rolled his eyes. “But that is only part of the costume. We need masks.”

“Maybe you need a mask, but I wear glasses, so all I have to do is take off by glasses and no one will recognize me.”

“1. That only works if you are Superman, and you are not Superman. You’re more like a Wonder Twin. 2. Superman could do it because he didn’t really need glasses.”

Johnny interrupted. “Yeah, but I could just put in my contacts.”

“Oh, yeah, that would work. ‘Johnny! Time to go save the world!’ ‘Hold on, Mike, I need my eye drops!’” Johnny frowned.

“Besides,” Mike continued, “3. You sometimes wear contacts when you are not a super hero so people would recognize you.”

Johnny sighed. “I guess you are right. But, if I’m like a Wonder Twin, then you are the other Wonder Twin.”

“Ooh! Then I’m Zan! Wait, was Zan the boy or the girl?” Mike asked.

“I think Jayna was the girl and Zan was the boy.”

“Right, then I’m Jayna!”

“Haha, you’re a girl!”

“Yes,” Mike replied, “But a girl who can take the form of any creature, where as you, can only be an ice bucket. Enjoy that.”

“Ooh, that makes you Gleek,” Johnny said to the fox.

The fox, who had been reading a newspaper, looked up. “Guys, you aren’t really the Wonder Twins. Mike was just using that as an example for illustrative purposes, to say that you are not Supermen. As is becoming more apparent by the minute.”

“Gleek seems a little angry.”

“Animal sidekicks can be ornery sometimes.”

Last week, we started talking about Jimbos, Jambos, and Jumbos, and how great it would be to bestow those names upon children. Then we let all of you come up with your own reasons to name your kids thusly. Then we let everyone vote on the best reason. The votes came in, and look who won. Johnny! Johnny? You mean the Shlake of the Pake Shlake Band? The namesake of this website? Yes. That one. The one and only. We should start putting more than one entry in every week.

Anyway, on to this week’s Game Time question. With Christmas less than a week away, Christmas songs are taking over the radio waves. And Christmas sharks are taking over the ocean waves. Because of this (the songs, not the sharks) we’ve been listening to a lot of strange music lately. Stranger than the music of the Pake Shlake Band, the nonsensical musical duo who just chant and speak Shlakese? Well not that strange.

Anyway, the point is, Christmas songs are weird. Some are good, many are not, but they all have their time to shine this week. Listening to the songs, we’ve noticed some strange lyrics here and there. Johnny already pointed out that Santa shouldn’t have to figure out who’s been naughty and nice. And that’s just one example. So here’s the question:

What is the weirdest lyric in a Christmas song?

We think it’s gotta be “bells on bobtails ring” from “Jingle Bells”. What does that even mean? Why does Bob have a tail? And why on earth are there bells on it?

What do you think are some weird lyrics from Christmas songs?

Last Friday, we asked everybody to give a reason to name their kids Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo. The answers are in, and it’s voting time.

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Vote quickly because the winner will be announced tomorrow morning.