No disrespect to West Virginia and Alabama, but why do the two worst states in the Union get the two best songs? I mean, you never hear people singing “In the Lovely Land of Florida,” but do you know anyone who would rather live in Mobile or Morgantown instead of Miami?

Oh, and before, when I said “No disrespect to West Virginia and Alabama,” I meant, “I’m about to disrespect West Virginia and Alabama. Big Time.”