You know how some people say, “Wow, I can’t believe it’s almost 2010. I’m still getting used to writing 2009 on my checks.” I think a good response to this is, “You still write checks? Pay your bills online, baby!”

Then they will say, “Don’t call me baby!”

From now on, I’m gonna take Mike’s advice, and call mid-October “Explorer season.”

It’ll go over well with the Knights of Vespucci order I’m in charge of.

So I was watching TV on December 25th, and someone said, “Wishing all of you out there happy holidays!”

No. That is wrong. It’s Christmas. You say “Merry Christmas” on Christmas.

That’s like if on Columbus Day, someone said, “I hope everyone is enjoying the Explorer season!” Sorry, Vespucci, today is Columbus Day, you say “Happy Columbus Day.” And on Christmas you say “Merry Christmas.” The End.

You know those radio stations that play Christmas music non-stop from like November 1st? I loved how they ended it.

One of the stations decided to keep playing Christmas tunes throughout the weekend, so the people who hadn’t had enough could still listen to Trans-Siberian Orchestra on December 27th.

Another station quickly dropped the holiday music Friday morning. Who needs to hear Christmas songs on Christmas? That’s what Thanksgiving’s for! Instead, they started counting down the best songs of 2009, and somehow, Bing Crosby didn’t make the list.

But my favorite was the station that played Christmas music all the way through the night of December 25. Then first thing on Boxing day, they started playing “The Monster Mash.”

Hello, again, and a Merry Christmas! You may have noticed that we at the Pake Shlake Band haven’t posted much this week. Well, there are three reasons. 1. It snowed and it clogged up the internet roads. 2. Today is Christmas, and we had to get presents and things of the holiday nature. And 3. We’re lazy.

Maybe the third reason is the most responsible, but at least we have two other reasons that we can use as an excuse. If you are really in need of some shlakeness, play the Game Time again. Or for the first time.

Anyway, we’d like to wish all of you a Happy Christmas, and we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled tomfoolery next week.

For those of you who don’t know, it snowed a lot on the East Coast this weekend. And, in Washington DC, when it snows, everything is shut down. Including blogs. Sorry, that’s how we roll. Hopefully, by tomorrow they will have plowed the information superhighway that is the internet. Otherwise, we might not be able to post then, either. Sorry for the inconvenience. But not that sorry.

Deck the halls with boughs of Game Time! Fa la la la la, etc.

Last Week’s Winner

To get all of our fans in the Holiday spirit, we asked you to mash up two Christmas songs to form a new one. We got a lot of good responses, let’s take a look at some of them.

First, Tony started us off with a good mashup – “I saw Mamma kissing Dominic the Donkey” about an Italian woman and the family burro. Too much uovo-nog, perhaps?

Luca, big A and Lorenzo all had some fine answers ranging from “Deck the Snowman!” to “Rudolph the Red Christmas Song” to “God Rest Ye Chipmunk,” all of which came with their own stories describing the basic gists of the songs.

Russ one-upped them by providing not only the story of his new Christmas tune, but also providing a detailed description of the music video to his “We Three Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire”. Unfortunately, that only earned Russ a silver medal.

Because the winner is… DBeck, a new reader who is showing up all over the Pake Shlake Band blogs, thanks to his recent commenting over at HoyaHoops.com.

Here was DBeck’s answer:

“Grandma Got Run Over by the Little Drummer Boy”

Set to a polka, this song depicts the poor little drummer boy, late to play his gig for baby Jesus and ill-equipped to be driving due to his age, running over Grandma as she walked home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there’s no such thing as underaged percussionists driving over the elderly, but as for me and Grandpa we believe

We expect to hear that on the radio before the Holiday season is over. Or else it will be a Pake Shlake Band original song by next year.

This Week’s Game

We had a Christmas theme going this week, three different posts talking about odd holiday lyrics. And one post about Obama. So, we thought we would revisit that theme in our Game Time:

What is the weirdest lyric in a Christmas song?

We are gonna go with the old classic, Frosty the Snowman. Look at the lyrics, you’ll know what we mean.

Now it’s your turn. We ask that you not repeat any of the ones we’ve already used. You can use the same song if you want, but pick a different lyric. Now, play!

The other day, Mike talked about the strange lyrics in “Winter Wonderland.” Then I talked about the strange lyrics in “Silver Bells.”

Well, as it turns out, one year ago today, I talked about the strange lyrics in “Here Comes Santa Claus.” And then we played a Game Time game where everybody nominated their favorite strange Christmas lyrics. So today, I think it’s a good time for a…FLAAAASHBAAAAACK.

Johnny on “Here Comes Santa Claus”

You know the song, “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”? Of course you do, how silly of me. Anyway, here’s the thing. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, right? So when he makes that list, why does he have to find out who’s naughty or nice? He should already know. Unless there’s some sort of exchange rate between bads and naughties that I don’t know about.

Commenter Tony on the “12 Days of Christmas”

12 Days of Christmas, pretty much any day except 5 Gold Rings.

These are gifts?
8 Maids a-milking – I’d prefer 8 maids a-cleaning, now that’s a gift
9 Ladies dancing – mail order brides?
10 Lords a-leaping – excuse me?

Commenter Zo on “The Christmas Song”

I don’t know what they say in ‘The Christmas Song’ after “…and every mother’s child ___________ to see if reindeer really know how to fly…”

-is gonna try
-is on the sly
-has gone to spy
-has got their pie
-is gone awry

Nat King Cole has the coolest, clearest, most enunciating voice ever, someone must have given him a marshmallow or something during that part.

Commenter Max on “Up on the Housetop”

Up on the housetop. Why does the boy get weapons instead of toys? Hammer and tacks, baseball bats, and whips sound like a nasty combination.

Commenter Emily on “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”

For me it is the entire song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” I mean, why is it okay that Santa is a home-wrecker in that song? And why would Daddy laugh if he saw Mommy kissing a stranger in the middle of the night in the family home? I think some other response would be more natural. There is something wrong with that song.

Commenter Elizabeth on “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)”

In the beginning to “Happy Christmas (War Is Over)” it has Yoko saying “Happy Christmas Yoko” and then John says “Happy Christmas John”…..why are they wishing themselves a merry christmas? That is just rude.

Turns out, Emily won that Game Time with the whole Mommy smooching St. Nick thing. That’s just weird.

Since Mike started talking about Christmas songs, I’m gonna follow suit.

You know the song “Silver Bells?” Here are some lyrics:

Strings of street lights,
Even stop lights,
Blink a bright red and green

Wait a second. You’re saying stop lights are red and green? WOW!! Everyone really decorates for Christmas.

Hey look they put up Christmas trees in the forest!

And wow all the radio towers have these blinking red lights on top!