What Time Is It? Christmas Time!

What time is it? Christmas time! And Christmas cartoon time! Entitled "What Time Is It? Christmas Time!" How appropriate.

If You Are Happy But Don't Know It, Don't Clap

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands." That's awfully philosophical - self-awareness and all that. I bet Descartes wrote it.

Eat Turtle

Here's a Thanksgiving cartoon! Enjoy it like you would mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce.

Mouth Money

I have always been one to put my money where my mouth is. That is to say, I kiss it.

Election Day

Trick or Treat

Christine's Costume

Never Can Say Goodbye

The Boys Are Back in Town

Hello, again. Well, well, well, what have we here? Is this a Pake Shlake Band post? I thought those schmoozers called it quits long ago. Well, we did. But we're coming back like Disco. That is to say, in leisure suits!

That's right, folks! The Pake Shlake Band has started it's own line of retro clothing. No, no. Let's try again.

That's right, folks! The Pake Shlake Band is back in business! And, like any business that's been closed for a while, we are changing things up a bit. Think of it as a restructuring. It's as if the PSB filed Chapter 7 in the blog world: Bankruptcy of Ideas. But now we are back and better than ever! Or at least the same as ever. But better! Definitely better!

"What's changed?" you may ask. We'll wait.

What's changed?

Ah! Great question! We are gonna try to soup things up a skosh. In other words, you will get more new cool stuff and less old uncool stuff. But don't worry, if you had your heart set on old uncool stuff, we'll still have some of that for you, too. What's that? You have some questions? Okay, we'll take a few questions. It will be like a press conference.

Q: Will you bring back Game Time?

A: We don't know. We do know that you should like us on Facebook, so that way you'll see any new things we post. You should also follow us on Twitter, if that is what you are wont to do.

Q: Are you even on Twitter?

A: Irrelevant! Next Question!

Q: Will you post every day like you used to?

A: We do not grant the premise of the question. We never posted every day.

Q: Yeah, but you did usually have a post every weekday.

A: That is not a question.

Q: Ugh, fine. How frequently do you anticipate having new posts?

A: We refer you back to the following us on Facebook comment. No more questions!

Ah, yes. A classic press conference in which no questions were really answered.

Anyway, as you see we at the Pake Shlake Band have gotten a second wind, so to speak. We've found our muse, we've regained our inspiration, whatever you want to call it. But, make no mistake: the boys are back in town. And we are now men. And it's more "on a website" than "in town." The men are back on the website. Not as catchy, but slightly more true.

So stay tuned for more fun to come. Or don't, see if we care.

Don't @#!*& Over Spilled Milk

You know the expression "Don't cry over spilled milk"? That's ridiculous. The expression should be "Don't get unnecessarily angry and start cursing over spilled milk." That adage would be more helpful. At least, in my experience.

The Take Break Band

Hello, again. As you know, we at the Pake Shlake band pride ourselves on laziness. And, as we were priding ourselves on this, we realized that we had two deadly sins on our hands. And that made us mad! And jealous! Well, then we had four deadly sins, and we decided to get greedy and go for five!

Anyway, our deadly sin count is not the point of this post. Of course not. That would be ridiculous. The point of the post was to let you, our faithful fans, know that the Pake Shlake Band is going to be taking a break.

Yes, the Pake Shlake Band has become the Take Break Band. That's right. It's a TBB Original Game, Breaktakers. And we win.

Allow us to explain. When we started Shlake.com, we wanted a site where we could express ourselves in a crazy and funny way. Sometimes you would laugh, sometimes you would be confused, but every post should make you think, "Wow, those are some crazy guys!" and you would either laugh or furrow your brow.

But, instead of two crazy and funny brothers running a crazy and funny site, we turned into two poor stand-up comedians delivering one liners that even we didn't think were funny. Not exactly a recipe for success.

So, we are taking a break and finding our roots. (And you know how much we love sweet potatoes).

What does this mean for you? Well, not much. As you know, we are over two years old now, which in blog years is like 65, meaning we are ready to retire to Florida and start eating dinners at four. (Pass the sweet potatoes!)

Anyway, we will not be posting as frequently as we did in our youth, but feel free to check back from time to time since we probably will throw some stuff up. And, since we won't be posting every day, the stuff we throw up should be funnier. Or at least more true to ourselves, i.e. ridiculous.

We thank all of you who were regular posters - Lorenzo, Luca, Tony, Sam, DJ, Mamma Meg, Big A - and those less frequent posters, who are either not worthy of naming or actually just spammers that got through our filters.

Don't think of this as a "Goodbye," think of it as a "See you later." Much later. Think of it as a "See you in hell!" No, think of it as a "Sayonara." Or an "Adios." Or a "Bon voyage." Or, who knows what.

Anyway, thanks for reading this and never be afraid to shlake it up. Grac.

Again

It's time once again for "This has never happened before, so why are you saying 'It's time once again for' about it?"

I'll be your host.

Third Grade Resolutions

When I was in third grade, I made a New Year's Resolution to never make another New Year's Resolution. But, now as I am getting older, I think it's time for me to break this resolution since I've realized that not everything I did and said in third grade still applies.

Next, I'll convince myself that all girls do not, in fact, have cooties.

New Year Resolution

Can someone help me. Since Friday, we have been in the year that follows 2009. I can't figure it out though.

Some people call it 2,010 like "Two thousand ten" and some people call it 2010 like "Twenty ten."

While the mathematician in me would prefer "Two thousand ten," the slacker in me likes "Twenty ten" because it saves me a syllable.

Me? I just want to get rid of all of the mathematicians and slackers that are hanging out inside of me. There's not enough room for you, and it's just plain gross.

Bad Resolutions

If it's Friday, it's Game Time! Except when it's Saturday.

Last Week's Winner

Hello, and welcome to a rare Saturday edition of Game Time! It's been a busy holiday season, and we at the Pake Shlake Band have been a little negligent in our duties. But, don't worry, our New Year's Resolution was to make sure we do things on time. So, we are kicking the new year by playing Game Time one day late.

It was still Christmastime when we last played Game Time, and we wanted to know if you had heard any weird lyrics to Christmas songs. Let's take a look at what you said.

Lorenzo used the classic line, "Don we now our gay apparel." I wonder what Queer Eye For the Straight Guy thinks of this.

DBeck came close to getting back-to-back wins, as he criticized the Beach Boys for wishing Santa Claus a Merry Christmas and then telling us that Christmas comes at same time every year. In fact, we are a little surprised ourselves that DBeck didn't win, since usually insulting the Beach Boys is all it takes.

But, as it turns out, Lorenzo submitted a second answer that steals the win. In "Here Comes Santa Claus," also known as "Here Comes Santy Claus," Gene Autry says "Let’s give thanks to the Lord above ’cause Santa Claus comes tonight." To quote Lorenzo, "That is an unusual mix of religious and secular." We couldn't say it better ourselves. We probably could have said it equally well, though. Anyway, Lorenzo wins.

This Week's Game

It's the new year, and what better way to kick of the new year, than with New Year's resolutions! Sounds like a good time for a round of the PSB Original Game, Bests and Worsts. Here's the topic:

Worst New Year's resolution

And here's our answer: "In 2010, I resolve to eat less...poison."

What do you think? Post it up.