Did you know that “shampoo” spelled backwards is “oompahs”? Well, you are wrong. It’s actually “oopmahs”. Sorry, better luck next time.

I’ve always thought carpets was a weird word. It sounds like it should be a pet for your car - you know car pet? Like a Vespa or something.

But no, carpets are really synthetic coverings to go over your floors. I guess “synthetic covering to go over your floor” would take to long to say though if you needed to warn somebody that their carpet was on fire. To be fair though, a frantic point and “FIRE!” would also do the job.

You know the word “sandwich”? It is named after the Earl of Sandwich. He was some guy back in the day who said, “Hey, you know what? This piece of meat is a lot easier to eat with your hands if you put some bread around it.” And so he did. And it was tasty. And now, hundreds of years later, the Earl of Sandwich is immortalized every day when you pick up your pastrami on rye or your ham and Swiss. Yes, the Earl of Sandwich invented a delicious lunch for all of civilization. He is my hero.

So, once I finished writing this post, I realized, “Hey, I said he was my hero, like ‘hero’, as in the sandwich!” But then I realized I really didn’t intend for the play on words to be the joke. I really just wanted to express that the Earl of Sandwich is my hero, not to trivialize his accomplishments for the sake of a pun. After that clarification, I am confident that I have saved his honor. And ruined any chance of this post being even mildly humorous.

So Today is Veteran’s Day. And Today I capitalize the T in Today.

Anyway, Today is Veteran’s Day. Not to be confused with Veterinarian’s Day, which I believe, is in July.

Well, as you all probably know, yesterday was a big night: a closely contested battle with the eyes of the world watching. And, unfortunately, our side did not come out victorious. We made it close, but just couldn’t get over the hump. I guess history was not on our side. But, we can be gracious, even in defeat. So, we would like to offer our congratulations to the Ottawa Senators for their win last night over the Washington Capitals.

A Canadian team beating us…so much for country first.

So I had Chinese food for dinner last night, and I forgot to put the leftovers away before I went to bed. When I woke up this morning, I remembered the food and was sure it was gonna be covered in ants. I ran downstairs to check and, thankfully, the food was fine. But my chopsticks had attracted termites.

Time for a joke.

What’s the difference between a locomotive and a schoolteacher?
There are several differences. I don’t really know what you’re getting at.
You know…it’s a joke. What’s the difference between a locomotive and a schoolteacher?
Well, um I guess one is a mode of transportation made out of steel, and the other is a human being who instructs children.
You got it!

Man, I haven’t had lunch yet, and I am starving. I am so hungry I could eat a horse! But I won’t bet on it.

You know when you really like a song, but no one else is really into it, but then for some reason or another it gets really popular, and then everyone likes it, and then it gets lots of air time on the radio, and then you start kind of getting annoyed by the song, and then you can’t like it anymore, but it’s still getting played all the time because everyone else is demanding it, and then you’re stuck not liking a song you like and listening to it when you don’t want to?

That’s how I feel about the theme from Mr. Belvedere.

So tonight, Presidential hopefuls John McCain and Barack Obama will face off in their third and final debate. But I know all about the first debate. I saw the Vice-Presidential debate. And by the time of the second Presidential debate, I was terribly bored. I can’t bear to watch another one.

That’s why I’ve got an idea. Instead of having the two candidates stand at a podium talking about the same stuff they’ve talked about for weeks, why don’t we let them face off in a way that we all want to see - a jousting competition. No, no. Not old school jousting with knights and horses (or knightless jousters). I’m talking about American Gladiator jousting.

And once they’re done, they can see which one can win at Assault.