You know the expression “Don’t cry over spilled milk”? That’s ridiculous. The expression should be “Don’t get unnecessarily angry and start cursing over spilled milk.” That adage would be more helpful. At least, in my experience.

It’s time once again for “This has never happened before, so why are you saying ‘It’s time once again for’ about it?”

I’ll be your host.

When I was in third grade, I made a New Year’s Resolution to never make another New Year’s Resolution. But, now as I am getting older, I think it’s time for me to break this resolution since I’ve realized that not everything I did and said in third grade still applies.

Next, I’ll convince myself that all girls do not, in fact, have cooties.

Can someone help me. Since Friday, we have been in the year that follows 2009. I can’t figure it out though.

Some people call it 2,010 like “Two thousand ten” and some people call it 2010 like “Twenty ten.”

While the mathematician in me would prefer “Two thousand ten,” the slacker in me likes “Twenty ten” because it saves me a syllable.

Me? I just want to get rid of all of the mathematicians and slackers that are hanging out inside of me. There’s not enough room for you, and it’s just plain gross.

You know how some people say, “Wow, I can’t believe it’s almost 2010. I’m still getting used to writing 2009 on my checks.” I think a good response to this is, “You still write checks? Pay your bills online, baby!”

Then they will say, “Don’t call me baby!”

From now on, I’m gonna take Mike’s advice, and call mid-October “Explorer season.”

It’ll go over well with the Knights of Vespucci order I’m in charge of.

So I was watching TV on December 25th, and someone said, “Wishing all of you out there happy holidays!”

No. That is wrong. It’s Christmas. You say “Merry Christmas” on Christmas.

That’s like if on Columbus Day, someone said, “I hope everyone is enjoying the Explorer season!” Sorry, Vespucci, today is Columbus Day, you say “Happy Columbus Day.” And on Christmas you say “Merry Christmas.” The End.

You know those radio stations that play Christmas music non-stop from like November 1st? I loved how they ended it.

One of the stations decided to keep playing Christmas tunes throughout the weekend, so the people who hadn’t had enough could still listen to Trans-Siberian Orchestra on December 27th.

Another station quickly dropped the holiday music Friday morning. Who needs to hear Christmas songs on Christmas? That’s what Thanksgiving’s for! Instead, they started counting down the best songs of 2009, and somehow, Bing Crosby didn’t make the list.

But my favorite was the station that played Christmas music all the way through the night of December 25. Then first thing on Boxing day, they started playing “The Monster Mash.”

Hello, again, and a Merry Christmas! You may have noticed that we at the Pake Shlake Band haven’t posted much this week. Well, there are three reasons. 1. It snowed and it clogged up the internet roads. 2. Today is Christmas, and we had to get presents and things of the holiday nature. And 3. We’re lazy.

Maybe the third reason is the most responsible, but at least we have two other reasons that we can use as an excuse. If you are really in need of some shlakeness, play the Game Time again. Or for the first time.

Anyway, we’d like to wish all of you a Happy Christmas, and we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled tomfoolery next week.

For those of you who don’t know, it snowed a lot on the East Coast this weekend. And, in Washington DC, when it snows, everything is shut down. Including blogs. Sorry, that’s how we roll. Hopefully, by tomorrow they will have plowed the information superhighway that is the internet. Otherwise, we might not be able to post then, either. Sorry for the inconvenience. But not that sorry.