Hello, again, and a Merry Christmas! You may have noticed that we at the Pake Shlake Band haven’t posted much this week. Well, there are three reasons. 1. It snowed and it clogged up the internet roads. 2. Today is Christmas, and we had to get presents and things of the holiday nature. And 3. We’re lazy.

Maybe the third reason is the most responsible, but at least we have two other reasons that we can use as an excuse. If you are really in need of some shlakeness, play the Game Time again. Or for the first time.

Anyway, we’d like to wish all of you a Happy Christmas, and we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled tomfoolery next week.

For those of you who don’t know, it snowed a lot on the East Coast this weekend. And, in Washington DC, when it snows, everything is shut down. Including blogs. Sorry, that’s how we roll. Hopefully, by tomorrow they will have plowed the information superhighway that is the internet. Otherwise, we might not be able to post then, either. Sorry for the inconvenience. But not that sorry.

Deck the halls with boughs of Game Time! Fa la la la la, etc.

Last Week’s Winner

To get all of our fans in the Holiday spirit, we asked you to mash up two Christmas songs to form a new one. We got a lot of good responses, let’s take a look at some of them.

First, Tony started us off with a good mashup – “I saw Mamma kissing Dominic the Donkey” about an Italian woman and the family burro. Too much uovo-nog, perhaps?

Luca, big A and Lorenzo all had some fine answers ranging from “Deck the Snowman!” to “Rudolph the Red Christmas Song” to “God Rest Ye Chipmunk,” all of which came with their own stories describing the basic gists of the songs.

Russ one-upped them by providing not only the story of his new Christmas tune, but also providing a detailed description of the music video to his “We Three Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire”. Unfortunately, that only earned Russ a silver medal.

Because the winner is… DBeck, a new reader who is showing up all over the Pake Shlake Band blogs, thanks to his recent commenting over at HoyaHoops.com.

Here was DBeck’s answer:

“Grandma Got Run Over by the Little Drummer Boy”

Set to a polka, this song depicts the poor little drummer boy, late to play his gig for baby Jesus and ill-equipped to be driving due to his age, running over Grandma as she walked home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there’s no such thing as underaged percussionists driving over the elderly, but as for me and Grandpa we believe

We expect to hear that on the radio before the Holiday season is over. Or else it will be a Pake Shlake Band original song by next year.

This Week’s Game

We had a Christmas theme going this week, three different posts talking about odd holiday lyrics. And one post about Obama. So, we thought we would revisit that theme in our Game Time:

What is the weirdest lyric in a Christmas song?

We are gonna go with the old classic, Frosty the Snowman. Look at the lyrics, you’ll know what we mean.

Now it’s your turn. We ask that you not repeat any of the ones we’ve already used. You can use the same song if you want, but pick a different lyric. Now, play!

The other day, Mike talked about the strange lyrics in “Winter Wonderland.” Then I talked about the strange lyrics in “Silver Bells.”

Well, as it turns out, one year ago today, I talked about the strange lyrics in “Here Comes Santa Claus.” And then we played a Game Time game where everybody nominated their favorite strange Christmas lyrics. So today, I think it’s a good time for a…FLAAAASHBAAAAACK.

Johnny on “Here Comes Santa Claus”

You know the song, “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”? Of course you do, how silly of me. Anyway, here’s the thing. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, right? So when he makes that list, why does he have to find out who’s naughty or nice? He should already know. Unless there’s some sort of exchange rate between bads and naughties that I don’t know about.

Commenter Tony on the “12 Days of Christmas”

12 Days of Christmas, pretty much any day except 5 Gold Rings.

These are gifts?
8 Maids a-milking – I’d prefer 8 maids a-cleaning, now that’s a gift
9 Ladies dancing – mail order brides?
10 Lords a-leaping – excuse me?

Commenter Zo on “The Christmas Song”

I don’t know what they say in ‘The Christmas Song’ after “…and every mother’s child ___________ to see if reindeer really know how to fly…”

-is gonna try
-is on the sly
-has gone to spy
-has got their pie
-is gone awry

Nat King Cole has the coolest, clearest, most enunciating voice ever, someone must have given him a marshmallow or something during that part.

Commenter Max on “Up on the Housetop”

Up on the housetop. Why does the boy get weapons instead of toys? Hammer and tacks, baseball bats, and whips sound like a nasty combination.

Commenter Emily on “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”

For me it is the entire song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” I mean, why is it okay that Santa is a home-wrecker in that song? And why would Daddy laugh if he saw Mommy kissing a stranger in the middle of the night in the family home? I think some other response would be more natural. There is something wrong with that song.

Commenter Elizabeth on “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)”

In the beginning to “Happy Christmas (War Is Over)” it has Yoko saying “Happy Christmas Yoko” and then John says “Happy Christmas John”…..why are they wishing themselves a merry christmas? That is just rude.

Turns out, Emily won that Game Time with the whole Mommy smooching St. Nick thing. That’s just weird.

Since Mike started talking about Christmas songs, I’m gonna follow suit.

You know the song “Silver Bells?” Here are some lyrics:

Strings of street lights,
Even stop lights,
Blink a bright red and green

Wait a second. You’re saying stop lights are red and green? WOW!! Everyone really decorates for Christmas.

Hey look they put up Christmas trees in the forest!

And wow all the radio towers have these blinking red lights on top!

You know the Christmas song “Winter Wonderland”? It’s a classic holiday tune, but listen to the first line:

Sleigh bells ring. Are you listening?

Sounds like the singer has some confidence issues. Maybe the first verse should go like this:

Sleigh bells ring. Are you listening?
In the lane. Pay attention to me!
A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight.
I’m talking, can you look at me?

And if that weren’t proof enough, remember when he builds the snowmen?

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he is Parson Brown.
He’ll say, “Are you married?” We’ll say, “No, man.”
“But you can do the job when you’re in town.”

What kind of loser builds a snowman and pretends it’s a reverend? Who then makes him feel guilty for being single? And the next one:

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he’s a circus clown.
We’ll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman,
Until the other kiddies knock him down.

What type of person anticipates other kids destroying his snowman? A needy loser, that’s who.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Game Time!

Last Week’s Winner

Last week, we played the PSB Original Game Little-Known Facts. Well, a few people played. Not many. It was kind of boring. We’ll declare Tony the winner since he was the first to respond.

We would wish Tony congratulations, but his win was not based on merit, and merit-less wins are hollow. Like tree trunks. Or swim trunks. Anyway, non-congratulations to Tony, a nod to Lorenzo, and a shake of the fist to the rest of you.

This Week’s Game

We are rapidly approaching Christmas, and as you may have noticed, holiday carols are filling the airwaves. And have been for about a month now.

A few Christmases ago, we asked you about an odd duet for a Christmas carol. This year, we are asking you a similar type of mash-up:

Combine two Christmas songs into one and describe what it is about.

We would combine “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” and “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” to get “Santa Claus is Coming for My Two Front Teeth,” a song about an elf who owes Santa money, can’t pay, and is now fearing retaliation. A classic Christmas/Mobster tune.

Your turn. Mash it up!

Um, not to be anticlimactic, but…does anyone know Mother Nature’s address?

While we’re writing a letter to Mother Nature, I’d like to add something. (You know I’m very much against wasting stamps. I intend to make my forever stamps true to their name.)

If we could add a little postscript action to that letter, here is what I would like it to say:

P.S.

You can come up with your own name though. Tooty Frooty Droppy Ploppying was just a suggestion.