Life as a Tree

I bet it must be pretty cool to be a tree. I mean you can just grow your hair out and then to shave all you have to do is sit there and wait for Fall.

I guess the only problem would be that birds would sit on you all the time, but I can live with that.

And loggers.

Health Care Rally

Panda-monium

I was thinking to myself, "Wouldn't a cartoon about pandas called "Pandamonium" be awesome?"

Then I thought, "That's too obvious; I bet someone else already thought of that." So I googled it.

Then I found this.

Pandamonium was a 1982-83 animated series that aired on CBS.

Synopsis
When an evil alien named Mondraggor attempted to steal an ancient object called the Pyramid of Power, the pyramid shattered into many pieces, which scattered around the world. Each week, Mondraggor would race against two human siblings, Peter and Peggy Darrow, who were accompanied by three talking pandas named Chesty, Timothy, and Algernon, who were irradiated by the Pyramid's magic. The three of them could unite to form Poppapanda, a being with supernatural power.

Then I didn't even know what to think.

Little Known Knations

What time be it? Game Time! Arrr!

Last Week's Winner

It be our last meetin' when we played the PSB Arrr-iginal Game, Bests and Worsts. We asked ye landlubbers ter come up with a fittin' replacement for a hand, if ye be havin' the misfortune of losin' it. We be takin' a look at yer lily-livered responses.

Firstly, we be wantin' ter extend a shout-out ter all ye cockroachers who ended yer post with "Arrr" or some variant. It be pleasin' ter the captains. Especially when in the rest of yer comments, there was nary a sign of pirate speak. We say ter ye, "Avast!"

Next, we be turnin' ter Big A. His answer be scissors, and 'tis a fine choice. But, it still be a tad too sharp fer the likes of us, especially if we be havin' an itch on the nose.

Tony be sayin' a Wii remote would suffice. Aye, 'tis true, but batteries be scarce on the high seas. Even scarcer than Wii's. So, nay, Tony shan't be the winner.

But, we be decidin' that the winner be...Pep! Arr, his choice of a fryin' pan be just the thing ter fry a fish caught out on the briny, or ter smack the face of an intruder. And who among ye could turn down pancakes? Aye, Pep be the winner! Huzzah!

This Week's Game

Unfortunately, this Saturday is not International Talk Like a Pirate Day. It's not even International talk Like a Hispanic Day. However, the United Nations is holding a summit, and that at least has some international flair to it.

But in general, UN Summits are not the most interesting. For example, the UN Security Council just had a resolution to say nuclear weapons are bad. Snoozer! So, to liven things up, we're going to play another round of the PSB Original Game, Little-Known Facts, the game where you make up something and pass it on as fact.

Give us a little-known fact about the United Nations.

Here's ours:
The United Nations was incorrectly spelled the Untied Nations in the founding documents. The typo was not found until 1956 and it took two resolutions before the name was officially corrected.

Now it's your turn. Remember, we have a loose interpretation of "fact" and of "quotation marks".

Captain Spatula

So I was thinking about this week's Game Time, and I realized it's a lucky coincidence that Captain Hook chose a hook to replace his hand. I mean, I can only assume his name was Captain Hook even before Peter Pan fed his hand to the crocodile.

Like maybe he wanted a spatula, but he chose a hook just so he wouldn't have to answer questions about his name being Hook yet having a spatula instead of a hand.

Not Too Many Maynards Either

You know what name you don't hear too often anymore? Gilligan.

I wonder if it's because parents don't want their children to be associated with a bumbling half-wit who wrecks anything he comes into contact with, yet who somehow remains lovable in a unique even-though-you-ruin-everything-you-still-mean-well sort of way.

Either that or because it has too many 'G's.

The Emmys

Five By

Whenever I'm driving, I keep an eye out for people who have their windows down and their arm resting outside. If I spot one, I quickly roll down my window and try to give them a high five.


 
It hasn't worked yet.

 

 

Bests and Worrrrrrsts

Yo ho, yo ho, a Game Time's life for me!

Last Week's Winner

Soapy shirts were the subject of last week's Game Time, where we asked you to come up with a clever slogan in the PSB Original Game Ad Geniuses. Let's have a look at your marketing ideas.

Lorenzo's slogan was: "The best thing to happen to Soap since that weird show with Billy Crystal." that's pretty funny, but in general you don't want "weird" in your ad campaign, so he doesn't win.

Sam returned this week for a pair of under the wire responses. The pitch "Soap shirts: Wrinkle-Free!" was clever, but we feel it doesn't really sell the soapy aspect of it, which is a fair point.

So, the winner is Max, with his slogan: "Soap Shirts – Giving Dryclean a Whole New Meaning." Ah, that's the ticket. Well done, Max!

This Week's Game

Arr, now we be turnin' ter this week's game. As Johnny a'ready been alertin' ye, tomorrow be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Aye, 'tis true. If ye be rememberin', 'twas a year ago we played a rousin' round of Game Time honorin' the saltiest seadogs that ever sailed the Seven Seas. Aye, and today we be playin' a pirate-themed PSB Original Game, Bests and Worsts. Here be yer topic:

Best thing to have in place of your hand.

Aye, most pirates be choosin' a hook, but 'taint no good use for a hook. Ye can't answer yer iPhone and ye can't flip pancakes! Nay, a hook be no good.

We say ye ought better ter have a spatula. Aye, ye can't answer a phone, but you can flip pancakes, a swashbuckin' treat on the high seas.

Now it be yer turn. Post yer scurvy comments, you landlubbin' bilge rats!

One question...

Who put the "Bomp" in the Bomp, Bomp, Bomp?

Nuts

You know how the word "nuts" can refer to either the thing you use with bolts to keep things together or the tasty treat? Well, I think they should start making nuts out of nuts, so when you are working in the garage and get hungry, you can eat one of the nuts.

And that way, if you walk into a room and someone says, "Hey, can you give me a nut?" you don't have to say, "Which kind? The thing with a bolt or the tasty treat?" You can just say, "Here's a nut!"


 
It's around this time that you are probably thinking, "Mike, you're nuts!"
I may be nuts, but at least I don't have to worry about which kind.

International Day

So this upcoming Saturday is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Now I don't want to bash it, because I think it's awesome, but how did they get away with that? I mean, you couldn't get away with having an International Talk Like a Latino Day.

It would be too hard for the Russians to pronounce anything.

Time and Thyme Again

The other day I left my cell phone in the car so I asked Johnny if he had the time. He gave me an herb.

Soapy Slogans

Once upon a Game Time...

Last Week's Winner

We played the PSB Original Game Bests and Worsts last week, where you had to think of the worst excuse for not doing your homework. We had a lot of bad excuses, but only one can win, so let's take a look.

Mama Meg said she didn't do her homework because she was working on the extra credit instead. Well, that's pretty bad, but she is still doing schoolwork, so it could be worse.

Luca said he can't start his homework until he finishes his summer reading. That's a bad excuse, but he loses for the same reason as Meg. Schoolwork of any kind is frowned upon here at the Pake Shlake Band.

Lorenzo couldn't complete his homework since he was honoring Michael Jackson's passing. That is a bad excuse, but only because Michael Jackson died like a month ago. In general, a moment of silence to commemorate heroes is commendable. So, Lorenzo's answer doesn't win.

Now, without further ado, the winner is KJ! Yes, a newcomer to shlake.com wins for the answer, "No time for homework. Spent all week trying to come up with clever slogan for imaginary board game about horses." Spending too much time on shlake.com instead of doing homework? That is, indeed, a horrible excuse. Congratulations, KJ!

This Week's Game

Earlier in the week, Mike said that clothes should be made out of soap. Well, that sounds like a pretty dumb idea, but that's never stopped Americans from buying into it anyway. All it needs is a clever ad campaign. So, we think it's time for another edition of the PSB Original Game, Ad Geniuses.

Come up with an ad slogan for shirts made entirely out of soap.

Here's our pitch:

Soap Shirts - With shirts like these, who needs deodorant?

OK, now it's your turn. Post your ideas in the comments, and maybe you will be the brains behind the new biggest thing in fashion. But, don't count on it.

Soapy Clothes

I was thinking, we live in an advanced society. We have airplanes, the internet, Snickers bars, but we still have to wash our clothes. Why have we not invented clothes that don't get dirty? So I started thinking about it.

What about suits of armor? Well, those would be uncomfortable, but it's a small price to pay for cleanliness. But, then I thought, I bet coffee would still stain a suit of armor. Is there anything that coffee wouldn't get dirty? And then I thought of it. Soap!

Yes, we should make our clothes out of soap! Soap gets things clean! You would never have to do laundry again! It's perfect. Sure, the washer and dryer lobbyists will try to stop it, but you'd think the soap lobby would at least try to float the idea, see if gets public support. Besides, who enjoys doing laundry? Nobody. Except maybe woodland creatures near the cottage of the Seven Dwarfs. So, it's a perfect idea.

And, yes, both the washer and dryer industry and the soap industry have lobbyists.

Internot

You ever have the internet die on you when you were sending an email or playing a game or just "surfing the net" as hipsters used to call it? (They may still call it that, but I doubt they are still hipsters. Kneesters maybe.)

Well when my internet connection goes out, I usually try to get it to start again, then try to steal someone else's wifi, and then sit and mope, wondering what I could possibly do without internet access.

But then I think, "Wait a second!" Then I wait a second. Then I continue thinking, "What did our ancestors do before we had this new technology?" And then I go watch Cartoon Network.

Or or Our

As many of you know, we at the Pake Shlake Band try not to post anything on holidays. We loosely define a holiday as any day that could be spelled with an "or" or an "our" in it.

Yesterday was Labor Day, and since the British would probably spell it Labour Day, that constitutes a holiday. Also there's the Fourth of July, and some confused people might spell it Forth of July. The British don't spell it like that though. They spell it "Treason Day".

No Homework

G to the Ame, T to the Ime. Or mathematically speaking, G^ame T^ime.

Come on man, superscript it up.

G^ame T^ime

Now we're talking.

Last Week's Winner

Last week, we played another round of the PSB Original Game, Ad Geniuses, where we asked you to slogan up "A Wink and a Nod" a fictitious equine-themed board game. Let's see how you did.

Loyal reader Sam had been posting a bunch of answers to our Game Time games on Thursday nights, sneaking in his answers right before the deadline, for several weeks in a row. After chastising him and denying him the victory, he didn't play this week. And that's what we at the Pake Shlake Band are all about - criticizing our readers so much, they never want to come back. You hear that you? You stink!

Instead of Sam, Tony and Luca were the loyal reader who decided to give us a whole bunch of answers - two a piece. But the best out of those four was Tony's slogan, "The ‘Neighs’ Have It!" Not too shabby. But for all four of Tony and Luca's answers, we have to say...nay.

Mama Meg had a good idea with her tagline, "Make Dollars out of Horse Sense," but that seems too much like exploiting the beautiful creatures. And if there's anything we don't do to horses, it's exploit them. Maybe if she had said, "Make Dollars out of Horse Cents," that would have worked, but we've all seen that game already. It's called Horsopoly. And it stinks.

Emily had quite possibly the best answer yet with "The Game for the Horse-Lover in All of Us - Or Some of You Weirdos at Least…Who Loves Horses Anyway? Third Grade Girls?" But that might be a little too hostile for any marketing, especially marketing to the third grade girls.

So it looks like Lorenzo comes in first again, earning himself back to back wins with his slogan, "Are you able in the stable?" That means Lorenzo is 2-2 in Ad Geniuses, which should probably earn him the title of Ad Genius. But it won't.

This Week's Game

So it looks like it's school time again. Yep, it's that time of year again, when schools open up their doors again and kids find themselves back on the yellow buses.

Now we know what you're thinking: "BOOOOOO school!" or "YAAAAY school!" or "I'm kinda indifferent to the subject, but you were eerily correct in saying you know what I was thinking."

So with back-to-school on our minds, we're going to play a round of the PSB Original Game, Bests and Worsts. You know how to play right? It's pretty easy. Here's the topic:

Worst excuse for not turning in your homework.

And here's our answer:

That episode of Top Cat where Al the Actor pretends to be Officer Dibble and steals all the paintings was on and you couldn't resist watching it.

Whatchoo got?

Did You Know

Did you know that Thursday was originally Thor's Day named after the dude Thor. Thor was like a god but he had a Viking hat and a hammer. And he liked Van Halen. And clearly I'm not using any reference material in coming up with this semi-based-in-fact fact.

Falsetto

I was singing the other day and someone said, "Hey, nice falsetto," and I couldn't decide whether I should thank him or tell him that that was my natural singing voice.

SYL

You remember how I said that "Talk to you later" is a silly way to end a conversation?

No? Let me teach you a little something about the internet. When someone writes, "Remember how..." they usually make some word or words in the ... part of the sentence into a hyperlink pointing back to what we should be remembering.

Now do you remember? Good.

Well you know what I think is even sillier than ending a conversation with "Talk to you later"? Ending it with "See you later."

When you say "See you later," you're basically saying, "Look, I'm not sure if we're ever going to talk again. But I can guarantee I will see you. I'll be watching." And that's just a creepy way to end a conversation.