Happy Noo Yoo

It's New Year's Eve. You know what that means...

Time to get out the staves and cow hide!!

Have fun everybody.

The Spirit of Christmas

As Christmas comes and goes, sometimes you hear people say that we should keep the spirit of Christmas, one of goodwill and peace, alive after the holiday season and celebrate Christmas all year long. And I couldn't agree more. Four-day work weeks!

Chapter 50: The Magic Phrase

Mike and Johnny were discussing the Wonder Twins ability.

"Hey, do you think we have a power like that?" Johnny asked.

"You mean a totally useless one?"

"No, I know we have those," Johnny replied, as Mike was now wearing Mickey Mouse ears. "I mean a power that we can't use unless we are both around."

"I don't know, let's try!" Mike said.

"So, how do we test it out?"

"Well, the Wonder Twins say, 'Wonder Twin powers activate!', but we are not Wonder Twins."

"Or losers. What if we say, 'Sniggity snap - it's time for a clap!', and then we clap our hands?" Johnny suggested.

"I thought you said we weren't losers."

The fox shook his head.

"Stench man!" The two shouted at fox simultaneously. Then they high-fived each other for their cleverness. The fox stopped shaking his head midshake, his head facing left.

"What, do you see something?" Mike asked. The fox remained motionless. A few seconds later. He spoke.

"What the heck did you guys do to me? I was frozen there."

"Really?" Johnny said. "Our magic phrase is "Stench man"?"

"Our father will be so proud!"

Boxing Day

Ho Ho Ho! Happy Boxing Day! That's right, folks! Today is Boxing Day. And what a wonderful Boxing Day it is? No. What a wonderful Boxing Day it is! We have a special Game Time just for you. But first, we must declare the winner from last week.

We wanted to know the weirdest lyrics to a Christmas song. After voting, it turns out that most people think that the song about the dysfunctional family, where the child thinks his father would enjoy watching his hussy-of-a-wife hooking up with Santa, has the weirdest lyrics. Hard to argue with that one. Well done, Emily, for nominating that song.

Now, onto this week's game. And do you know what today is? Why, that's right! It is Boxing Day! Now, we know what you are thinking. "Boxing Day? We don't celebrate that in America. That's a Canadian holiday. And we hate Canadians." Let us explain ourselves. We are all for gift-giving holidays, and since Boxing Day is a gift-giving holiday, we are all for it! However, we do have one problem with Boxing Day. It sets a horrible precedent. We now have Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, December 27th. Well, December 27th looks over his shoulder and says, "Hey! How come I don't have a cool name?" Next thing you know, every day will have a name instead of a number, and then where will we be? Numberless. Then people will schedule a business meeting on Hamburger Day and go out to the movies on Suitcase Day. And since know one has any clue whether Hamburger Day comes before or after Suitcase Day, no one will be able to get any work done. Ooh, no work, you say? As in vacation all the time? We no longer have a problem with Boxing Day. In fact, we have decided to speed up the process.

What should we call December 27th?

We think we should call it Pake Shlake Band Day. It was, after all, the Pake Shlake Band who ensured perennial vacations for all. Your suggestions? Post them. Who knows? Next year we could be writing a post on the day you have named. Except probably not, since Pake Shlake Band Day will fall on a Sunday, and we don't work weekends. Regardless, post your nominations.

Vote for Winter Wonder-what-the-heck-they’re-talking-about-land

It's Christmas! You know what that means? Time to vote on weirdest lines from Christmas songs!

[poll=23]

Ho ho ho. Vo vo vo. Vote.

Frosty the Hitman

You know the song "Frosty the Snowman"? You may know it as a friendly tale of a snowman who comes to life and plays with little kids. But if we look at the lyrics, there is certainly something else going on. He's a criminal, plain and simple, who is trying to corrupt the children. Don't believe me? Let's go to the text.

Frosty the Snowman
Knew the sun was hot that day
So he said let's run
And we'll have some fun
Now before I melt away

Translation: Frosty, the "Snowman" as he is known on the streets, has recently broken out of jail. With the police hot in pursuit, he wants to "have some fun", i.e. commit crimes, before the cops catch up with him.

Down to the village
With a broomstick in his hand
Running here and there all around the square
Saying catch me if you can!

Translation: Frosty carries a "broomstick" i.e. is packing heat, and goes into town to wreak havoc. He hits up a bank, then taunts the police as he makes his getaway, saying "Catch me if you can, coppers!!!"

He led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop
And he only paused a moment when
He heard him holler, "Stop!"

Translation: He accidentally runs into a traffic cop who tries to arrest him, but Frosty flees police pursuit.

Frosty the Snowman
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye
Saying don't you cry
I'll be back again some day

Translation: Frosty hightails it out of town with the police hot on his tail, tells the kids he has to lay low for a while, he'll be back after statute of limitations expires.

Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go

Translation: The children watch as their "friend" abandons them. Frosty speeds off with a line of police cars following him.

What a happy Christmas tale!

Baby Boomers

So, I remember learning about this in religion class or something back when I was little. Around the time of the first Christmas, somehow the king found out, either from an angel or one of the wise men or somebody, that a baby was about to be born and he would become the king of Israel. Well, current king wasn't too pleased about that, so he ordered all newborns to be killed. You know, just in case.

So I was listening to "Do You Hear What I Hear" on the radio - because that's what's on at this time of year - and I was listening to the part where the shepherd boy talks to the king. He tells the king that there's a newborn in Bethlehem. Then, the next line of the song is "Said the king to the people everywhere, ... the child, the child sleeping in the night, he will bring us goodness and light."

I guess that sounds better than, "Said the king to his minions everywhere, ... the child, the child sleeping in the night, let us murder him like all the other babies we killed earlier in the week."

Chapter 49: Superman vs. The Wonder Twins

When we last left our heroes, Johnny had just sounded suspiciously like he already had a cape and was just waiting for the right moment to reveal that fact. That time was now.

"Okay, I do have a cape, and I plan on wearing it!!"

"Dude, chill out. You can wear a cape."

"Yes! I am victorious!" Johnny said.

Mike rolled his eyes. "But that is only part of the costume. We need masks."

"Maybe you need a mask, but I wear glasses, so all I have to do is take off by glasses and no one will recognize me."

"1. That only works if you are Superman, and you are not Superman. You're more like a Wonder Twin. 2. Superman could do it because he didn't really need glasses."

Johnny interrupted. "Yeah, but I could just put in my contacts."

"Oh, yeah, that would work. 'Johnny! Time to go save the world!' 'Hold on, Mike, I need my eye drops!'" Johnny frowned.

"Besides," Mike continued, "3. You sometimes wear contacts when you are not a super hero so people would recognize you."

Johnny sighed. "I guess you are right. But, if I'm like a Wonder Twin, then you are the other Wonder Twin."

"Ooh! Then I'm Zan! Wait, was Zan the boy or the girl?" Mike asked.

"I think Jayna was the girl and Zan was the boy."

"Right, then I'm Jayna!"

"Haha, you're a girl!"

"Yes," Mike replied, "But a girl who can take the form of any creature, where as you, can only be an ice bucket. Enjoy that."

"Ooh, that makes you Gleek," Johnny said to the fox.

The fox, who had been reading a newspaper, looked up. "Guys, you aren't really the Wonder Twins. Mike was just using that as an example for illustrative purposes, to say that you are not Supermen. As is becoming more apparent by the minute."

"Gleek seems a little angry."

"Animal sidekicks can be ornery sometimes."

Winter Wonder-what-the-heck-they're-talking-about-land

Last week, we started talking about Jimbos, Jambos, and Jumbos, and how great it would be to bestow those names upon children. Then we let all of you come up with your own reasons to name your kids thusly. Then we let everyone vote on the best reason. The votes came in, and look who won. Johnny! Johnny? You mean the Shlake of the Pake Shlake Band? The namesake of this website? Yes. That one. The one and only. We should start putting more than one entry in every week.

Anyway, on to this week's Game Time question. With Christmas less than a week away, Christmas songs are taking over the radio waves. And Christmas sharks are taking over the ocean waves. Because of this (the songs, not the sharks) we've been listening to a lot of strange music lately. Stranger than the music of the Pake Shlake Band, the nonsensical musical duo who just chant and speak Shlakese? Well not that strange.

Anyway, the point is, Christmas songs are weird. Some are good, many are not, but they all have their time to shine this week. Listening to the songs, we've noticed some strange lyrics here and there. Johnny already pointed out that Santa shouldn't have to figure out who's been naughty and nice. And that's just one example. So here's the question:

What is the weirdest lyric in a Christmas song?

We think it's gotta be "bells on bobtails ring" from "Jingle Bells". What does that even mean? Why does Bob have a tail? And why on earth are there bells on it?

What do you think are some weird lyrics from Christmas songs?

Vote for Jimbo, Jambo, Jumbo

Last Friday, we asked everybody to give a reason to name their kids Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo. The answers are in, and it's voting time.

[poll=22]

Vote quickly because the winner will be announced tomorrow morning.

Good but not Nice

You know the song, "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town"? Of course you do, how silly of me. Anyway, here's the thing. He knows if you've been bad or good, right? So when he makes that list, why does he have to find out who's naughty or nice? He should already know. Unless there's some sort of exchange rate between bads and naughties that I don't know about.

Standing Tall on the Wings of My Dreams

I have a friend who lives in Chicago. I asked what song she wakes up to in the morning. She seemed confused and just said the radio. I was disappointed. I know if I lived in chicago, I would wake up every morning to the theme from Perfect Strangers.

Chapter 48: Cape-hat

"If I can't have a cape," Mike said, "then I'm going to wear one of these."

And Mike waved his hand to make a silly looking hat appear on his head.

"What is that?" Johnny asked.

"It's my cape-hat." Mike replied. "It's what they wear in the desert in DuckTales the Movie."

"I can't let you wear that."

"Why not?" Mike complained. "You get to wear your stupid cape."

"Capes aren't stupid. They're comfortable. You can wrap yourself in them, and you can wave them around when you dance, and --"

"Wait a second. This is the worst argument for capes I've ever heard."

"Oh you have arguments about capes often?"

"You'd be surprised man. Anyway, by the way you're talking about them, it sounds like you already own a cape.

Johnny looked away guiltily, kicked the ground, and started to whistle all at once.

Jimbo, Jambo, Jumbo

Last week, after reading up on the word "bulwark," Mike decided to come up with the origin of that strange word. Then it was your turn and after the voting, it turns out Sam won with his origin:
Viscount Samuel Bulwark was a member British House of Lords in the mid 1600’s. He initiated legislation that allowed citizens to build fences around thier house if they lived in the city. Hence, a bulwark became known as something that protects.

This week, we've been talking a lot about kids' names, namely the name Jimbo, the name Jambo, and the name Jumbo. We both gave some reasons to name our children that, and now it's your turn.

Why would you name your kids Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo?

Tell us in the comments.

Vote for The Mighty Bulwark

On Friday, we asked you all to explain where the word Bulwark came from. The etymologist in all of you gave us your responses, and now it's time to choose our favorite:

[poll=21]

If only real history could be decided be a poll.

Since this post is so late in the day we're giving you all another hour to vote. Polls close at 10:00 tomorrow morning.

Jumbo

I think I'm gonna name my kids Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo. Really, I just don't think Jemima would have gone over well with the missus.

Jambo

I think I’m gonna name my kids Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo. That way, I’ll be setting them up for a future in the food industry. They can open a restaurant called Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo's Cajun Jamboree. The most popular entrees will be Jumbo's Jumbo Gumbo and Jambo's Jumbo Jambalaya. It was Jimbo's idea to have everything on the menu be Jumbo-sized.

Jimbo

I think I'm gonna name my kids Jimbo, Jambo, and Jumbo. That way, I'll be setting them up for a future in the clown industry.

Chapter 47: Capes

When we last left our heroes, their friend the fox had created a Mario-esque way for Mike to get into their secret lair. Mike had just run down the side of the warehouse using a ramp. Half a second later, he was back with Johnny on the roof.

"Great," Mike said. "Now we can both get into our hideaway. That means we can start being super heroes!"

"No, we can't. We're not ready yet."

"Why?" Mike asked.

"We need costumes."

"Oh my gosh. You're right!"

"I know. I'm always right," Johnny said.

"I get a cape!"

"No, I get a cape. Fast people can't have capes. It slows them down."

"But Superman has a cape," Mike said. "He has super speed."

"Superman has a cape for when he's flying, not when he's running."

"What does that mean? He takes off his cape for running?"

"No, it means I get a cape and you don't."

"Hmm."

The Mighty Bulwark

Thankgiving was a week ago yesterday, and our Game Time involved renaming the holiday. After Votecasting Day, we have a winner: Max, for his answer Thankstaking. Congrats, Max, for back-to-back wins.

Earlier in the week, Mike talked about the word "bulwark" and how it came about. Since Mike just made up his word origin, you can do the same.

Write a word origin for the word "bulwark."

Remember, a bulwark is a person, thing, or concept that is a defense or protection. Give us your word origins in the comments.

Vote for Thanksgiving

On Friday, we asked everybody to come up with a new name for Thanksgiving. Like Thanksgiving, it had to be a compound word, generally describing what happens on ye old Turkey Day. We got several answers, and today, Votecasting, we want you to cast your votes.

[poll=20]

Happy Votecasting!

Nine Lives

Do cats really have nine lives? I mean think about it, that's ridiculous. No other creature has even two lives. How did they get nine?

You know what I think happened? I think that it's all a big mix-up. Somebody said, "You know, cows have four stomachs," which is true, I think. But even that's ridiculous. Anyway, then somebody responded, "Oh yeah, well my ex-husband had no brain." And then somebody responded, "Ohhhh, so that's why he married you." And then somebody else responded, "What does this have to do with cats?" And somebody else said, "Not cats, cows." And then somebody else said, "No no, he's right. Cats. Cats have four stomachs." And then another person said, "Huh? Cats don't have four stomachs. My cat barely eats at all. He drinks a lot of milk though." And then somebody else said, "Your cat drinks a lot of gin? He must have a strong liver.' To which someone else repied, "Strong liver? My ex-husband had a strong liver." And then somebody responded, "You say cats have four livers?" And somebody said, "No no, cows have four livers. Cats have nine." You see, that person was just trying to be silly. And then somebody got the transcript the next day, and misread it as "lives" instead of "livers" and started spreading the rumor that cats have nine lives when in fact they don't.

Bulwark

You know what's a funny word? Bulwark. According to dictionary.com, bulwark means "to serve as a bulwark." Okay, so the verb part of the definition doesn't help. But the noun part does. Bulwark means "a person, thing, or concept that is a defense or protection."

To be honest, I don't trust the dictionary. Listen to the word: "bulwark." It sounds like some sort of beast, perhaps mythical. I can't decide if the bulwark can fly or not. He is certainly carnivorous. But then it occurred to me. The dictionary gives the modern definition, but doesn't give the word origin. The origin must be something like this:

In ancient times, the mighty bulwark roamed the Earth, terrorizing villages in search for flesh. Eventually, man domesticated the beast, and the bulwark served as a sentinel, or watchdog, for the village, keeping it safe from animal attack or enemy towns. Hence, the term "bulwark" has come to mean something that gives protection. It is unclear if the bulwark could fly, or if it ever existed, but stories of the bulwark date back to the Ancient Greeks.

Ah, what a noble history for the mighty bulwark!

Chapter 46: The First Entrance

The fox led the two brothers up to the roof. The only difference from the last time they had been up there was a ramp, reminiscent of a skateboard ramp. It was aligned with the shorter end against the edge of the roof, so that if you wanted to use the skateboard ramp, you would have to be floating.

"Um, this looks the same," Mike said. "Except the ramp of death over there."

"For many, a ramp of death," the fox replied. "But for a speed demon..."

"A ramp of life!" Johnny said.

"No, just a ramp," said the fox.

"How does it work?"

"Stand there, and then start using your super speed."

"Won't I smash into the ground?"

"I put another ramp down there."

"Oh!" Johnny exclaimed. "Like in Mario!"

"Alright! Do I have to put my arms out to my side like he does?"

"Yes!" said Johnny.

"No," said the fox.

"But can I?"

The fox rolled his eyes. "Sure."

And with that, Mike stood up on the ramp, stretched his arms out, and started to run. Johnny and the fox watched as he went over the side of the warehouse. They then moved to the edge and peered down. They saw Mike looking back up at them. He was giving the thumbs up.

"Alright!" said the fox. "I am awesome!"

Thanksgiving

Last Game Time, we looked for an answer to the classic dilemma, How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? After doing some counting, it turns out that wise old Max knew the answer: There is no Tootsie Roll center. Looks like that will save us a quarter. Well, two quarters, since were aren't gonna share a lollipop. That's gross. But, Mike doesn't really like Tootsie Rolls, so it will save Johnny a quarter. But, now that we know it's a myth, Mike may now buy a Tootsie Pop. so, Max saved one of us a quarter and cost the other one of us a quarter. Looks like we break even on the deal. Thanks for nothing, Max!

Now, on to this week's game. For those of you who didn't know, yesterday was Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a compound word, combining the word "thanks" and the word "giving". This is an appropriate name since Thanksgiving is a day for giving thanks. We wondered what other words can be combined to create an apt name for this holiday.

Create a compound word to describe the holiday of Thanksgiving.

We would call the fourth Thursday of November Naptaking. Your compound word? Post it in the comments. Or rather, celebrate Commentposting Day!

Vote for I've Never Made It Without Biting

For this week's Game Time, we asked the immortal question: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootie Pop? You gave your answers, and now we get to vote for who is right. Mr. Turtle will be so happy.

[poll=19]

Vote, I say. Vote!

The Day Before

Today is Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. It seems to me that no one really wants to do any work today. It is a very ineffective day, work-wise. I mean, people go to work, but no work gets done. Everyone is kind of just hanging around, waiting out the clock until the day ends. Some people even leave early since there is nothing productive going on. So, my suggestion: Give us Wednesday off too. No reason to make us come into work when there is nothing getting done, right? That's called being efficient. Now, you might say, "But Mike, it won't solve the problem, it will just move the problem to Tuesday." That's a valid point. So I say, give us Tuesday off too. And Monday. Make it a spring break in November. That way, we don't have the problem of getting no work done at work. Now that's being efficient.

Life as a Balloon

Man, it would be awesome to be a balloon! Everyone would like you, you'd be the center of the party, you could FLY! I mean think about it, you'd be tons of fun and you could just float off wherever you wanted. It would be so cool.

Then again, people would smack you around an awful lot. And you'd hit your head on the ceiling whenever you weren't too careful. And if you happened to go outside unsupervised, you would fly away, never to be seen by your friends and family again, leaving you to suffer alone while all the life gets sucked out of you by the unforgiving atmosphere.

I guess it would only be semi-awesome to be a balloon.

Chapter 45: The Fox's Task

Mike and Johnny were in the middle of an epic battle. Johnny was on the catwalk firing tennis balls at Mike, while Mike was speeding around, trying to avoid the ones being fired and pick up the ones on the ground to throw back at Johnny. At first, Johnny was being pretty successful at hitting Mike when he tried to pick up the tennis balls. But as the battle wore on, Mike's agility got better, and he was able to avoid the shots almost every time. His throws, however, did not improve.

"Mike, you stink at throwing, man! They are going miles over my head!"

"Well, maybe it's because on American Gladiators, the target I'm supposed to hit is over your head."

Johnny stopped shooting for a second. "Okay, if that's really what you're aiming for, try to hit me now. I won't shoot."

Mike stopped running, picked up a ball, and threw it at Johnny. It went twenty feet over his head.

"See? You just stink!"

Mike frowned as was about to think of a comeback, when they heard footsteps. They both stopped cold. As the steps got closer, it began to sound like two pairs. Johnny motioned for Mike to go hide. Mike sped off instantly, and Johnny flew up to the shadows of the ceiling. Finally the identity was revealed. It was their friend the fox, looking wet, dirty, and tired, but very content.

"Hey, guys! I did it!"

"Did what?" Mike asked. "Won on Double Dare?"

"No, I made an entrance for you, " the fox replied. "And I found a really cool back entrance too, one that no one will be able to get from."

"Nice, let's go see them!" And the two heroes followed the fox, as he led them to show off his fine work.

I've Never Made It Without Biting

In honor of the recently released new James Bond film Quantum of Solace, last week's Game Time had you think of headlines about the movie. After counting up the votes, Tony wins with his headline: 007: Less is More. Less Plot; More Confusing Title. Well done. We were trying to think of a clever spy line to go there, but we couldn't.

Here's a question that has been bothering us for a while, so we thought we would make it this week's Game Time:

How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

Our guess is three, but we are not sure we trust Mr. Owl. Your thoughts? Post it up.

Vote for Bonding Time

We began another game of Headliners on Friday, and this one was from the Entertainment section. You gave your 007 headlines, and now it's time to pick a winner. Here's a reminder of the article.

Daniel Craig returns as James Bond in the 22nd movie based on Ian Fleming’s spy of renown. Craig follows in a long line of Bonds, including Sean Connery, Roger Moore, and Pierce Brosnan. In the newest film, Quantum of Solace, James Bond seeks revenge for Vesper Lynd’s betrayal and death and must stop an alleged environmentalist from taking control of a country’s vital natural resource.

[poll=18]

Pick your poison, so to speak.

Shamp-who?

Did you know that "shampoo" spelled backwards is "oompahs"? Well, you are wrong. It's actually "oopmahs". Sorry, better luck next time.

Your SCTGOYF is burning

I've always thought carpets was a weird word. It sounds like it should be a pet for your car - you know car pet? Like a Vespa or something.

But no, carpets are really synthetic coverings to go over your floors. I guess "synthetic covering to go over your floor" would take to long to say though if you needed to warn somebody that their carpet was on fire. To be fair though, a frantic point and "FIRE!" would also do the job.

Chapter 44: Assault

"I have this." Johnny pulled out from behind his back a strange contraption. It looked like a clear circular shield, with a tube sticking out of the bottom of it and a ring of tennis balls around the edge of the shield.

"Whoa," Mike said, hs eyes wide in amazement. "How do you have the gun from the Assault event from American Gladiators??"

"Well, I threw an American Gladiator Party once, and Gemini gave it to me as a gift."

"WHAT?? 1. Why wasn't I invited? 2. How did you get Gemini to come? And 3. Why have you never shown this to me before??"

"I think you were out of town for some reason. It was all kind of spur of the moment. I ran into Gemini at the grocery store. Literally. He knocked me unconscious. I think that's why he gave me the assault gun. Anyway, we can use it to test your speed and agility. The balls come out at like 100 miles an hour."

Mike looked a little suspicious. "Won't it hurt if I get hit?"

"Then don't get hit," Johnny said as he hooked the assault weapon up to the overhead catwalk. "Now I'm going to shoot these tennis balls at you, and you have to try to dodge them."

"Um, I gues-OW!" Johnny had shot a ball that smack Mike right in the head. "Dude, you beaned me!"

"Hey, I told you I was gonna shoot it."

"Alright, well, next time say "Go" or something."

"Go!" Johnny said and shot three more balls right at Mike's head. This time, Mike reacted quickly, side stepping two of them and catching the third one.

"Oh, it's on now," Mike said, as he and Johnny prepared to embark on a rigorous training regimen. Not far away, their friend the fox was finishing a regimen of his own.

Bonding Time

Game Time brought the curtain down on the 2008 Presidential Campaign last week, asking you all to have the final word on the election, in poetic form. After a record turn out, Big A won with his limerick about Joe the Plumber. Hail to the Chief!

Now onto this week's game. As you may or may not know, the 146th installment of everyone's favorite spy comes out today. (Okay, we exaggerated a bit. He's not everyone's favorite spy.) The New James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, makes its American debut today, so we decided to make this week's game a Headliners in the movie's honor.

Daniel Craig returns as James Bond in the 22nd movie based on Ian Fleming's spy of renown. Craig follows in a long line of Bonds, including Sean Connery, Roger Moore, and Pierce Brosnan. In the newest film, Quantum of Solace, James Bond seeks revenge for Vesper Lynd's betrayal and death and must stop an alleged environmentalist from taking control of a country's vital natural resource.

Here is our headline:
Americans investing in bonds. James Bond.

If you have a headline, post it in the comments. And don't forget to vote for the winner next week.

Vote for Presidential Poetry

After last Tuesday, we had one things on our minds. Hockey. But after that, I guess, was the election. So we asked everybody to come up with a poem about what went down in the political arena, the coliseum of. Here are those poems.

[poll=17]

Pick your favorite and in true American fashion, vote for the silliest.

The Earl

You know the word "sandwich"? It is named after the Earl of Sandwich. He was some guy back in the day who said, "Hey, you know what? This piece of meat is a lot easier to eat with your hands if you put some bread around it." And so he did. And it was tasty. And now, hundreds of years later, the Earl of Sandwich is immortalized every day when you pick up your pastrami on rye or your ham and Swiss. Yes, the Earl of Sandwich invented a delicious lunch for all of civilization. He is my hero.

So, once I finished writing this post, I realized, "Hey, I said he was my hero, like 'hero', as in the sandwich!" But then I realized I really didn't intend for the play on words to be the joke. I really just wanted to express that the Earl of Sandwich is my hero, not to trivialize his accomplishments for the sake of a pun. After that clarification, I am confident that I have saved his honor. And ruined any chance of this post being even mildly humorous.

Happy Veteran's Day

So Today is Veteran's Day. And Today I capitalize the T in Today.

Anyway, Today is Veteran's Day. Not to be confused with Veterinarian's Day, which I believe, is in July.

Chapter 43: Johnny's Surprise

Johnny and Mike were standing next to each other in the abandoned warehouse. Johnny had just inadvertently low fived Mike after he successfully navigated the obstacle course with his super speed. "Dude, that was too easy," Johnny said.

"Yeah, I know. Like easy cheesy."

"First, I meant that to be a bad thing. Secondly, I think you mean, like easy peasy."

"But I prefer cheese to peas."

Johnny thought for a second, then nodded in agreement. "Alright, I think part of the problem was it wasn't really an obstacle course. Nothing was moving or anything, so it must have felt just like walking around boxes."

"Well, to be honest, I'm not sure I've ever done that."

"But you could imagine that sensation," Johnny replied. This time it was Mike nodding in agreement. "I have an idea to make it harder, but I have to go get something. You have to wait here since I am not flying you up here again."

"Fine. I'll amuse myself with my hats," Mike said.

So, Johnny flew off, literally, while Mike amused himself with his hats. About 15 minutes later, Johnny returned. Several hats were on the floor beside Mike as he now had a beret on.

"Ho ho! Ah hope yew brought une baguette per moi," Mike said in a poor French accent.

"Hey, that's a pretty good imitation of a poor Frenchman!"

"Merci! Oooh, what you got there??"

"Well, I figured we needed to train you on how to dodge stuff coming at you fast, but shooting a gun at you would be dangerous, and we don't have a gun anyway. But, I remembered I did have this."

Mike's eyes got wide. "Whoa!"

What was it? A rubber band ball? One of those weird pizza shooter toys from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Tune in next week, when you find out what exactly Johnny had.

Presidential Poetry

Spooky Halloween stories were all the rage last week, as we asked for short stories that started with the phrase: "They told me not to go down the alley." After tallying the votes, DJ wins. What a treat! Get it? Like trick or treat? Treat? Trick? Treat?

Earlier this week, America had an election. And, we at the Pake Shlake Band have referenced the election every now and again. Well, now that it's over we wanted to give one last tribute to the 2008 Campaign:

Write a poem summing up the 2008 Presidential Election.

Here is ours:

It's us against them,
the Rep or the Dem,
The difference is clear, so just take your pick.
When all's said and done,
There can only be one:
So the socialist beat out the maverick.

Ooh, nice rhyme scheme! (Thanks.) You're welcome. Now, it's your turn. Write a poem about the election. Post it in the comments.

Vote for They told me not to go down the alley…

In honor of Halloween, we asked everyone to come up with a scaaaary story that started with "They told me not to go down the alley..." There were not very many responses, but here they are.

[poll=16]

Pick your favorite, or the scariest, or the votiest. And then do like America did on Tuesday. (By that we mean vote).

The Day After

Well, as you all probably know, yesterday was a big night: a closely contested battle with the eyes of the world watching. And, unfortunately, our side did not come out victorious. We made it close, but just couldn't get over the hump. I guess history was not on our side. But, we can be gracious, even in defeat. So, we would like to offer our congratulations to the Ottawa Senators for their win last night over the Washington Capitals.

A Canadian team beating us...so much for country first.

Stock Market

Chapter 42: The Obstacle Course

Mike and Johnny, having agreed with the narrator to move the story along, began to set up some of the flashlights around the warehouse floor. It gave the room a faint almost dungeon-like glow, as if the two were in a secret hideout, which, in fact, they were.

"OK," Johnny said as he looked around the dimly lit warehouse floor. "Let's begin our training."

"Alright! BALL OF F-"

"Dude."

"Sorry," Mike said. "Well, we should use some of those empty crates to set up an obstacle course for me. Super speed is useless without super change of direction."

"Alright, let's get on it then."

The two brothers set up the crates around the warehouse floor, forming a narrow path that Mike would have to navigate through. Mike then went to the beginning of the maze.

Johnny put his arm in the air. "On your mark. Get set. Go!" Mike was gone and back in an instant. Standing next to Johnny, Mike put his hand out before Johnny even finished lowering his hand.

"Low Five!" Mike said.

They told me not to go down the alley...

We had another edition Game Time poetry last week, where we asked you to describe a television show in haiku form. After a close vote, Meg wins with her ode to Tony Micelli. Unfortunately, her last line was "Who IS the boss?" which is only four syllables, as opposed to the required five. So, we have to strip her of her title, so soon after victory. To symbolized our mourning, there will be no winner this week. Tragic.

Speaking of tragedies, today is Halloween. BOO! Last Halloween, we had a pretty successful Game Time contest, where you had to write a scary story. We will reprise that game.

Write a Halloween story (50 words or less) that begins “They told me not to go down the alley…”

To give you an idea of what a story is, here is ours:

They told me not to go down the alley. But what did they know? It was late, but I was feeling brave. I crept down the alley. Then, my heart froze. I realized they were all right. It was a dead end! So, I turned and left the alley.

Ooh! Having to double back! Scaaary! Think you can do better? We hope so. Post your stories below.

Vote for Mr. Belve-who?

Last week, Johnny talked about the wondrous (Wondrous? Wonderous? Thunderous!) theme from Mr. Belvedere. That made us write a haiku about the series. And that made us ask you to do the same about your favorite sitcom. Or any sitcom really. Here's what you all submitted.

[poll=15]

Pick your favorite as fast as you can. Voting closes tomorrow morning and we forgot to post until now!

Leftovers

So I had Chinese food for dinner last night, and I forgot to put the leftovers away before I went to bed. When I woke up this morning, I remembered the food and was sure it was gonna be covered in ants. I ran downstairs to check and, thankfully, the food was fine. But my chopsticks had attracted termites.

Joke not Gioc

Time for a joke.

What's the difference between a locomotive and a schoolteacher?
There are several differences. I don't really know what you're getting at.
You know...it's a joke. What's the difference between a locomotive and a schoolteacher?
Well, um I guess one is a mode of transportation made out of steel, and the other is a human being who instructs children.
You got it!

Alaska

Chapter 41: The Storyline

When we last left our heroes, they were taking an extraordinarily long time to find out what is inside the warehouse.

"And when we last left the narrator, he was moving the story along at a snail's pace," Johnny said. The narrator thought for a moment, and realized the truth in Johnny's critique.

"Really?" Johnny asked.

"Really?" Mike asked.

Really.

"Great!" Mike said. "Let's move this story along then and get to the good stuff, like the training and crime fighting!"

Sure thing. But we should probably wait until next week.

"No!" Johnny protested. "Start now, let's get this story rolling."

Not wanting to anger the heroes, the narrator obliged. The two brothers made their way down to the ground floor and with the help of their flashlights and miner helmets, saw that the huge warehouse would be a perfect place to begin training.

"Wow, it is perfect," Mike said. "But, I wonder why the narrator is being so nice to us."

"It is a little suspicious, maybe he's just in a friendly mood."

And the two began to set up a workout center for their training and decided not to fire the narrator, despite the current state of the economy.

Mr. Belve-who?

Our last week's Game Time asked you to give the two presidential candidates American Gladiator nicknames. We counted the votes and the winner is...us! That's right! We got the most votes for our answer of Methuselah and Gibraltar. Thanks to everyone who voted, but a special thanks to everyone who voted for us.

Earlier in the week, Johnny made a reference to Mr. Belvedere. In the comments, Tony made an interesting point: What is the deal with Mr. Belvedere? So, in an effort to explain that sitcom and others, we thought of this game:

Write a haiku explaining the plot of a television show.

Here is ours:

A world-renowned butler
decides to move to Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh? Why, oh why?

That haiku summarized Mr. Belvedere. Get the idea? Haiku it up in the comments.

Eating a Horse

Man, I haven't had lunch yet, and I am starving. I am so hungry I could eat a horse! But I won't bet on it.

Vote for American Seniators

Last week, Johnny suggested that the third presidential debate be replaced with American Gladiator jousting. We liked the idea and asked you all to come up with names for the candidates. Like Nitro or something. Here's what you said.

[poll=14]

Pick your favorite, and the winner will be announced domani matti if you know what I'm sayin'. Chnom sain?

Here's a change in the status quo

You know when you really like a song, but no one else is really into it, but then for some reason or another it gets really popular, and then everyone likes it, and then it gets lots of air time on the radio, and then you start kind of getting annoyed by the song, and then you can't like it anymore, but it's still getting played all the time because everyone else is demanding it, and then you're stuck not liking a song you like and listening to it when you don't want to?

That's how I feel about the theme from Mr. Belvedere.

Drill, Baby, Drill

Chapter 40: The Third Beam of Light

Johnny stopped in the middle of the cat walk. An extra beam of light had joined those of the two brothers.

"Johnny, what's wrong?" Mike whispered.

"Someone is following us."

"Should I turn around to see who it is?"

"OK, but be careful..." Johnny answered, still rooted to the spot.

Mike turned around, and instantly the light that Johnny had seen had gone.

"I don't see anything, " Mike said, turning back around.

"Yeah, I guess it's gon- It's back!" Johnny said.

"Where is he?" Mike again turned away, and as he did, the light disappeared.

"That's weird," Johnny said. "Wait a minute..." Johnny turned around to face Mike. As Mike turned to face his brother, the mystery of the light was quickly resolved.

"Dude, you have a miner's helmet on!"

"Oh, yeah!" Mike said, looking up. "Want one?"

American Seniators

We had another round of Headliners last week, with the article in question about our first birthday. After a close vote, it turns out that Sam wins with his headline: "shlake.com turns one. Brav." Congratulations, Sam. Or rather, brav.

Earlier in the week, Johnny said the two candidates should just joust it out, American Gladiators style, to decide the winner. That got us to thinking of this question:

Give John McCain and Barack Obama American Gladiator names.

American Gladiator names. You know, like Nitro, Gemini, Bronco, Titan. You get the idea. We think the two should be named Methuselah and Gibraltar. Get it? Cause McCain is really old and Barack sounds like rock? Yes, well, anyway, now it's your turn. Post it in the comments.

Vote for Birthday News

This past Friday, we started another game of Headliners, and you've submitted your headlines. Reread the PSB original article summary and then vote for what should title the news report.

The website shlake.com, the official home of the Pake Shlake Band, turned one on Wednesday. The two founders, Mike and Johnny, were seen dancing behind a cake with a big flaming number one in it.

[poll=13]

Vote soon. Tomorrow the article is going to print. Or something.

The Third Debate

So tonight, Presidential hopefuls John McCain and Barack Obama will face off in their third and final debate. But I know all about the first debate. I saw the Vice-Presidential debate. And by the time of the second Presidential debate, I was terribly bored. I can't bear to watch another one.

That's why I've got an idea. Instead of having the two candidates stand at a podium talking about the same stuff they've talked about for weeks, why don't we let them face off in a way that we all want to see - a jousting competition. No, no. Not old school jousting with knights and horses (or knightless jousters). I'm talking about American Gladiator jousting.



And once they're done, they can see which one can win at Assault.

Chapter 39: Inside the Warehouse

The two brothers were in mid-air, Mike grabbing on to Johnny as they made their way towards the roof. After a bit of a struggle, the two made it to the top. Johnny landed, and Mike fell onto the floor.

"Thanks, " Mike said.

"No problem, " Johnny replied, rubbing his neck. "Except, man, it was an effort."

"Well, maybe you should get super strength."

"And maybe you should get SlimFast."

Mike picked himself off the ground, and the brothers made their way to the door. Johnny opened the bag of supplies they had just bought and handed a flashlight to Mike. "Alright, let's have a look."

Johnny led the way, entering the warehouse and shining his flashlight into the darkness. It struck against a flight of stairs which the two cautiously walked down. A flight below, the concrete steps turned into metal ones and the two began to make their way onto a catwalk, Johnny still in the lead with Mike just a few steps behind. From the brothers' flashlights, two beams of light shone down below to the empty warehouse. Suddenly, Johnny froze. A third beam of light had started to shine.

Birthday News

Last week, your Game Time goal was to come up with a sentence or two about Kombucha. After the votes were tallied, Tony came out as the winner. You did a kombucha job!

This week, we will play your favorite PSB original game, Headliners. Recently, we at the Pake Shlake Band have been going a little political. (Have you seen Mike's political cartoons?) So, we have decided to change gears a bit, and go with an article totally unrelated to politics for you to give a headline to. Here it is:

The website shlake.com, the official home of the Pake Shlake Band, turned one on Wednesday. The two founders, Mike and Johnny, were seen dancing behind a cake with a big flaming number one in it.

Here is our headline:
Shlake.com Turns One: Who Cares?

Your turn to make a headline. Put your responses in the comments.

Main Street, Not Wall Street

Vote for Kombucha

Alright here we go: kombucha, cominatcha. We asked you all to come up with a new definition for the word Kombucha and use it in a sentence. The word, not the definition. Pick your favorite.

[poll=12]

Remember to Kombucha because the poll will close first thing tomorrow morning.

Happy Birthday Us!

Today, Shlake.com is one year old! Woo-hoo! We should start walking soon. We've been spewing out incoherent babble for quite a while now.

The VP Debate

Dream Sequence

You ever have that dream where you're standing in front of a group of strangers and you're handed a microphone and forced to sing "Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club? And then you get confused and sing "Karma Police" by Radiohead by mistake? But you forget the words and just hum half the time anyway? But the crowd is loving it? Until they realize you're not Jon Bon Jovi and get really disappointed?

Yeah, well that happened to me this morning.

The Bailout

Chapter 38: The Solution

The two brothers were at an impasse. They knew the only entrance was on the roof, but only one of them had access to it. "Alright," Johnny said. "Let's go to the store and get some flashlights and battery powered lamps. We will look around, and then try to reaccess our options." He then turned to the fox. "You stay here, and try to think of a way that Mike can get to the roof that other, shall we say, slower people can't."

"Will do," said the fox.

So, with that Mike and Johnny went to the local hardware store for their supplies. When the two returned, the fox was still outside, looking significantly dirtier, but with no visible progress on a path to the roof.

"I'm still working on it."

Johnny turned to Mike. "OK, I guess this time I'll have to fly you up, but in general this is not going to work."

"Um, how should we do it? Should I grab onto your feet, or should you carry me like a bride?"

"Dude, don't ever suggest I carry you like a bride again. Get on my back." Mike wrapped his arms around Johnny's neck, as the two prepared to lift off.

"Do you feel like Fezzik in Princess Bride with me around your neck like this?" Mike asked.

"If you mean because I feel like I'm about to pass out from suffocation, then yes." And with that, Johnny slowly started to rise off the ground.

Kombucha

It was Joke Time last Friday, where we ask you to create a set-up for a predetermined punchline. We counted the votes, and Tony edged out the competition. Well done.
On Tuesday, Johnny mentioned a magic Chinese elixir. We thought we would make this week's Game Time about it.

Use the term "Kombucha" in a sentence or short dialogue.

But, you don't have to Kombucha to mean Kombucha. That is to say, create your own imaginary definition, and let context clues make your definition clear. Here is ours.

Mike: Hey, what's that?
Johnny: Oh, it's a Kombucha.
Mike: Aw, it's so cute!
Johnny: Don't touch! It's poisonous!

See how it works? In our dialogue, Kombucha was some sort of cute yet poisonous creature. Now, you try.

The First Debate

Mike's Political Cartoons

Hello, folks! As you may know, we at the Pake Shlake Band are big fans of politics. (We are?) (Well, not really big fans, sort of average fans.) (Ok, that's better.)

As you may know, we at the Pake Shlake Band are sort of average fans of politics. And, we find political cartoons enjoyable. But, not that enjoyable. In fact, we think they stink. Big time. And to show this, we have decided to start doing our own political cartoons. (Whaat?) Mike has taken it upon himself to enter the cartooning business. He is not the best artist. In fact, we think he stinks. Big time. But, we figured, what the heck? So, in the next few days, you might see some political cartoons on this site.

Let us know what you think. Your feedback is always appreciated. As long as it is positive.

Vote for Gioc about Jokes

You ever hear the one about dictionaries and cookbooks? We heard like ten of 'em. Pick which joke is the funniest.

[poll=11]

Vote quickly because the polls close tomorrow at 9. Get it?

And If You Don't Know, Now You Know, Shlakers

You know the rapper the Notorious B.I.G.? Biggie Smalls? Yeah, him. He has a song called "Juicy", and here are some of the lyrics:

Now I'm in the limelight 'cause I rhyme tight
Time to get paid, blow up like the World Trade

It is an interesting allusion to the attacks of 9/11. More interesting is that this song was released in 1994, seven years before the terrorists attacked New York City and Washington DC in 2001. It seems as though Biggie Smalls is a modern day Nostradamus. Now, I am just waiting to see which of the honeys have his baby. Baby.

Komboo-ya

Earlier today I heard the word "Kombucha," pronounced "Kom-BOO-cha," and I fell in love with the Chinese Magical Health Elixir. Then I smelled the stuff. I quickly fell out of love with Kombucha. Then I said the word out loud again. KomBOOcha. And I liked it just fine. Then I heard that even though it is supposed to make you healthier, there have been studies that it gives people jaundice and makes them vomit, and I didn't like it so much again.

It looks like I have an on-again, off-again relationship with an ancient Chinese tea.

Chapter 37: The Problem

As the three pondered a way to get inside the abandoned warehouse, Mike ran around the house to look for any openings. A half-second later, he was back.

"Nope, no luck," Mike said. "The only other thing I can think of is maybe there's an entrance on the roof they didn't board up." Both Mike and the fox looked at Johnny. He looked back at the two of them, and shook his head.

"Come on, please?" Mike said.

Johnny sighed and rolled his eyes. "Alright, I'll check."

"Johnny, just do it! We have to train. This is important for our development. And what kind of super hero doesn't ever use his powers? I mean, you might as well not even have them!"

"Dude, who are you talking to? Johnny agreed. He's already on the roof."

"Oh. I guess I figured he'd put up more of a fight."

Mike and the fox stood looking up towards the roof, waiting for Johnny to come back down. After a few moments, he did.

"Guys, it's perfect. There is a door up there, it's unlocked and it leads downstairs. There are no lights or anything, so we will have to provide that ourselves. But, even if there were, we wouldn't be able to use any of it, since then someone would know there are people inside."

"There's one problem," Mike said. "I can't fly."

"Oh, snap."

Gioc about Jokes

Our last Game Time involved stories about pirates. Based on your votes, Big A won, for his clever response about the economic crisis. Nothing like an economic crisis to get us thinking about pirates. Well done.

So, as you probably know, jokes were a big part of this week's theme; that is to say, jokes were this week's theme. We talked about jokes, and jokes, and more giocs. So, to continue the week's theme, our gioc will be about jokes.

Think of a better set-up question to the following punchline.

Throw two dictionaries and a cookbook on the floor!

Our original question: Wanna know how to quickly drop 10 pounds?

Our new question: What do you do when you see a huge cockroach crawling on the ground?

See? Simple as pie. No, not simple as pi. Pi is a very complicated mathematical concept. Pie is a delicious dessert. Post your answers, or rather, your questions, in the comments.

More on Jokes

Hello, folks! With all this talk about jokes, we decided to have another lesson in Shlakese. You remember Shlakese, don't you? You don't? Brav.

joke -
  1. a joke, in it's normal sense; also called a chiste, pronounced cheeste, derived from the Spanish word of the same spelling, which means, as you might suspect, joke.
  2. a game; also spelled gioc, since this definition comes from the word "giocco," Italian for game.

Now, we will use both forms in an example, with the difference in spelling to help you understand context.

Example:
Mike: What's a good joke?
Johnny: Scrabble.
Mike: No man, not gioc. Joke.
Johnny: What?
Mike: You know? Chiste? Joke?
Johnny: Oh, I thought you meant joke like gioc.
Mike: Well, do you have a good one?
Johnny: What does a prisoner use to call home?
Mike: I said a good joke. Brav.

See? It's as simple as that. So play a joke on your friends by asking them if they want to play a gioc.

Vote for Talk Like a Pirate

Arr, last Friday be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arr! We forced ye scallywags tell yer best pirate tales, an' now it be time fer a pirate lord to be crowned. Cast yer votes.

[poll=10]

Ye best be sure to vote, fer we pirates are nothin' if not democratic.

I got one too!

Yesterday, Mike told everybody a joke! I like jokes. They're awesome! Ooh ooh, I got one, I got one.

Knock Knock

 

Psst. I said,

Knock Knock

 

Dude, you guys stink at jokes.

How to Drop 10 Pounds

Hey, I just heard a funny joke yesterday. Wanna hear it?

Wanna know how to quickly drop 10 pounds?
Throw two dictionaries and a cookbook on the floor!

Ok, I have a few confessions to make. 1. I actually didn't hear that joke yesterday. 2. It's actually my joke. 3. It's actually not funny.

Chapter 36: The Third Time's The Charm

When we last left our brothers, their friend the fox had dutifully led them to an abandoned warehouse to begin their training. Unfortunately, they were as of yet unable to get inside.

"Doesn't one of you have something to get us inside, like a ball of fire or something?"

"No, Mike doesn't have ball of fire, despite his attempts."

Mike looked around shiftily.

"What? Do you know how to get inside?" Johnny asked.

Mike smiled and nodded.

"How then?"

Mike shook his head and pointed to his vocal cords.

Johnny rolled his eyes. "Fiiiine. How many times have I said your name?"

Mike held up two fingers.

"Mike."

At the sound of his name for the third time, Mike finally began speak. "Man, jinx stinks."

"So, how do we get inside then?"

"Oh, I have no clue, I just wanted you to say my name again."

Talk Like a Pirate

Ahoy, ye landlubbin' bilge rats! As Cap'n Shlake be notin' yesterday, today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Aye! And since the crew of the Pake Shlake Band have always been inclined ter talk silly, we can nary think of a better holiday! And, in fact, we be making you lily-livered cockroachers celebrate it too, with today's Game Time. But first, it be pleasin' ter the crew if we declared the winner of last week's game. Max, the scourge of the seven seas, be the victor. And he be gettin' some booty, where booty means a shout out.

Arr, ye scabbies, now it be time for this week's game. And here it be:

Write an enjoyable short story in pirate talk.

And please be keepin' yer sea yarns short, under 40 words. How can ye write a tale in so short a span, says you? Check out ours, says I.

Where be I? It was dark as pitch. A rotten foul stench was in the air. A brig? Nay. I looked around. Smelly old socks. Sweaty towels. Oh no! It be Davy Jones' gym locker!

See, me hearties? It be easier'n than takin' rum from a merchant vessel. Post yer sea yarns in the comments. And be thankful ye can, because remember: Dead men tell no tales.

Avast

Tomorrow is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Arrrr! I guess that makes today International Don't Talk Like A Pirate Day. Arrr? How bout we just make it International Talk Like A Pirate If You Choose To But It's Not Mandatory Day? Arrr!

Vote for Pigs In Drag

On Friday, we began another game of Headliners, and it was all about pigs and politics. We got your headlines, so here's the summary of the article again for you. Read it, read the headlines, and vote.

Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama is accusing John McCain’s campaign of "lies and phony outrage and Swift-boat politics" in claiming he had made a sexist comment against vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Obama on Wednesday called the Republicans' criticism of his use of the phrase "lipstick on a pig" a "made-up controversy."

[poll=9]

Vote. Or else.

Black Cat

You know how people say if a black cat crosses your path it's bad luck ? Well, yesterday I was walking and I saw a black cat. And he was gonna cross my path. So, I decided to alter my path to just walk next to him. Then after a while, he kinda got bored and went a different way. Victory! I avoided the bad luck. But, I did learn a new saying. If a black cat doesn't cross your path, you still might be late to wherever you are going.

Mr. Green in the Fridgeroom with the Knife

You know how we name rooms after the big piece of furniture in it? Like we have the bedroom and the bathroom and so on? Well, we should start calling the place where you eat dinner the diningroomtableroom. I know I will.

Chapter 35: The Warehouse

"Well, that should keep him quiet for a while," Johnny said, referring to the jinx he had just put on his brother. "Lead on, my four-legged friend."

The fox walked ahead of the two, leading them down alleys and back streets, careful to avoid fences. Johnny and Mike followed in silence, one voluntarily, the other one less so. After about ten minutes, they arrived at an old boarded-up warehouse.

"Well, here we are," the fox said.

"Nice," Johnny said. "What do you think, Mike?"

Mike shrugged, sort of nodded his head, but remained silent.

"And you are sure this place will be safe?" Johnny asked the fox.

"I've been by this place for years, and I've never seen anybody."

"Great, let's get to work then." Johnny looked around. "Um, but how do we get inside? All the doors and windows are boarded up."

"Oh that's no problem, " the fox said.

"And don't try to make us slide under a fence or anything like that. You know where that got us."

The fox looked away. "Oh, um..."

"Oh, dear."

Pigs in Drag

It was poetry time in our last Game Time, with presidential hopefuls as the subject. The votes are in, and Sid's poem about Cheney in lipstick wins. I hope the infamous pig in lipstick was not offended.

Speaking of make-up-wearing porcines, we thought we would let you all weigh in on the debate. You get to make a headline for the "lipstick on a pig" comment and the aftermath. What's that? You don't know what I am talking about? What have you been watching the last 3 days? Certainly not the cable news networks! Well, I guess we should help you out. Here is a recap, courtesy of the AP:

Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama is accusing John McCain's campaign of "lies and phony outrage and Swift-boat politics" in claiming he had made a sexist comment against vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Obama on Wednesday called the Republicans' criticism of his use of the phrase "lipstick on a pig" a "made-up controversy."

Here is our headline:

Obama Apologizes: He hopes no pigs were offended by comparison to Palin

Post your headlines by Tuesday, and then vote for the winner on Wednesday.

Eat Gross and Dirty

You know Subway, the sandwich shop? It's slogan is "Subway: Eat Fresh." Now, I don't know if the ad geniuses who came up with that have ever traveled on the New York Subway or even just stood on the platform. But I seriously doubt the first thing to come to their minds was, "Oooh, fresh!"

Vote for Presidential Poetry

Last week, we asked e'erbody to write a haiku based on the happenings at the recent political conventions. Now it's time for you to vote for the best one.

We took the leisure of giving everyone's haikus a title.

[poll=8]

And how appropriate when the race for the White House - VOTE!

Venetian Light Blockers

You know how they call those things you put on windows to block out the light 'blinds'? I guess they do that because blind people can't see light and when you have blinds you kind of are like a blind person.

In that vein, I think we should start calling earmuffs 'deafs.' And while we're at, we might as well call eyeglasses 'losers,' those pants you're wearing 'uglies,' and the people who name products 'insensitives.'

Chapter 34: The Jinx

Mike and Johnny were stopped by a tall fence. Their fox friend was trying to lead them to a training ground, but didn't realize he is smaller and more nimble than his human counterparts.

"Can you please fly me over the fence, Johnny? It's the easiest way."

"I can't go for that. Ooooh. No can do. I can't go for that, can't go for that cant go for that."

"Wait, you just said you don't use your powers just to show off. Then why can you quote song lyrics whenever you want?"

"Because I am hypocritical," Johnny said.

"Interesting response."

The fox rolled his eyes. "Oh, for the love of...Fine, let's go this way," he said.

"Dude, if you could have done that before, why didn't you?"

"Well, I didn't anticipate the bickering."

"Touche," Mike and Johnny said simultaneously.

"Jinx!" said Johnny. Mike opened his mouth as if to protest but then merely lowered his head in shame.

Presidential Poetry

Last week, we asked everybody to come up with a saying that sounded like a real saying, but in actuality, was not. We got a lot of answers ranging from the absurd to the absurd, and when we asked you all to vote, the contest was tight. In the end, Max won with the classic saying, "Strike four...You're IN!" Congratulations Max. Or as they say, "Strike four...You're IN!"

Anyway, to this week. Over at our sibling site, HoyaHoops.com, they are running a Game Time in honor of Patrick Ewing being inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame. The contest is to write a Haiku with your favorite Patrick Ewing memory. That inspired us, the bearers of Shlakes, to come up with something of our own. Since the Republican National Convention just completed yesterday, we've decided to go with a Presidential theme:

Write a Haiku about this year's Presidential Race between Barack Obama/Joe Biden and Joe McCain/Sarah Palin.

Here's ours:
There's Sarah Palin.
What city does she live in?
D'you know? I'll ask her.

A Message to All You Ladies

Why waste your time? You know you're gonna be mine.

Thank you very much.

Vote for What Do They Say?

On Friday, we asked you all to come up with something that sounded like an old saying. The answers came in and here are your answers plus one of our own.

[poll=7]

Okay, we made up that last one too, but that doesn't matter. Vote for your favorite and we'll announce the winner domani (That's Italian for mañana. (Mañana as in domani, not mañana as in mattina.))

Storm Watch

For those of you who don't know, it's hurricane season, and Hurricane Gustav just hit land a few days ago. The way these storms evolve, they start as a tropical depression, then a tropical storm, then a category 1 hurricane all the way up to a category 5. As for names, they alternate between girl and boy names. So, after the male Gustav is the female Hannah.

Why am I telling you all this? Because after Gustav the news channels began monitoring the next hurricane-to-be, so it said on the screen "Hannah Storm Watch". Do you think this person was a little confused?

Ok, technically the graphic on MSNBC said "Hanna Storm Watch", so the television anchor Hannah Storm probably wouldn't have gotten confused. Or, she would have gotten doubly confused because 1. They misspelled her name and 2. They were watching her.

Chapter 33: The Fence

"Alright, then," the fox said, "Follow me." The fox led the two brothers down the alley behind their apartment building. He then started to sneak under a fence.

"Ahem," Mike said, as the fox was now halfway under the fence.

"Ahem!" Johnny said loudly, but the fox continued through to the other side.

"Hey!" Mike said, "We can't fit through there, and I am definitely not climbing over the fence."

"Hmm, " said the fox. "Can't he just fly the two of you over?"

"Yes!" Mike said.

"No!" Johnny said. "I am not a monkey."

"Neither am I, but that didn't stop you from calling me one!" the fox replied.

"True. But my point is that I won't just use my powers to show off. I only will use them when I need to."

"Like to get over a fence, maybe?" Mike asked.

"Maybe," Johnny replied. "But not likely."

What Do They Say?

In our most recent Game Time, we decided we would change the US National Anthem. And the people have spoken: Gary Glitter has replaced Francis Scott Key and Rock & Roll Part II has ousted the Star-Spangled Banner. "Hey!" indeed, my friends, "Hey!" indeed.

Yesterday, Johnny had an odd post, with some sort of old adage on it, a truism, if you will. We liked the idea:

Create a new saying that sounds like an old saying.

A good test to see if your answer is good is to throw some sort of introduction to it, like, "Well, you know what they say..." and then put your saying there and see how it sounds. To illustrate what we mean, we will reproduce our answer and truncate it to make it sound cooler:

Well, you know what they say: Every time it rains, it rains.

Simple enough, right? Post it here.

Every time it rains, it rains.

Every time it rains, it rains
Every time it snow, it snows.

Vote for National Anthem

This past Friday, we asked everybody what song we should use as our new National Anthem. New National Anthem because "The Star Spangled Banner" just doesn't cut it anymore. And since it doesn't cut it, we need to cut it. Out. Cut it out. And replace it. With one of these:

[poll=6]

Pick your favorite fast and we'll tell you the winner tomorrow.

Opening Ceremonies

For those of you who don't know, the Democratic National Convention started on Monday. I tuned in on the first day and am sad to say I was sorely disappointed. There were no fireworks, no legion of drummers, no flying men, no gigantic flame. What kind of opening ceremony is that? I doubt the Republican Convention next week will be much different. It is clear to me that American political parties need to take some tips from China.

The Presidential Race

So NBC ran this commercial near the end of the Olympics about one more race and how an American would win and how the whole world would be watching and how it would be exciting and stuff, and they were basically talking about the upcoming Presidential Race as if it were a part of the Olympics. But that got me thinking. Why don't we actually have a presidential race? I mean, we have debates and mudslinging and things. Why not throw in a foot race? It wouldn't decide anything, but it could sway a voter one way or the other?

And I nominate racewalking as the race. That or the Three-Legged Race with their VPs.

Chapter 32: Mike's Decision

When we last left our heroes, they were trying to find a place to start practicing their super powers. Their newly found friend, the talking fox, said he might be able to help.

"Follow me, " he said, and started walking towards the alley.

Johnny gave Mike a sideways look. "Should we trust him?"

"I don't know...I don't think he's evil."

"Yeah, I feel like we should trust him, but I'm not sure."

"Well, if he is mischievous, we could probably take him," Mike said.

"Yeah, we can take him out if we have to."

"Hey, guys, I'm right here, can you not talk about offing me when I'm right in front of you?"

"Oh, right. Lead the way!."

"Um, okay, but will you promise not to off me?"

Mike and Johnny looked at each other. Mike turned to the fox. "We promise not to off you. We're the good guys, remember?"

And that assurance was enough to assuage the fox's fears, and he began to lead the two down the alley.

National Anthem

Last week for Game Time, we asked you to name two people you would like to see compete in the newest Olympic event, The Three-Legged Race. You got to vote for the winner, and it was a tie. Half of you wanted to see Usain Bolt with a random partner, and the other half wanted to see Bob Costas and a rabid wolverine. But, since I don't think the IOC allows species other than Homo Sapiens to compete, we at the Pake Shlake Band have decided to break the tie and award the win to DJ. Congrats, partner!

As the XXIX Olympiad winds down, we have noticed that NBC plays the US National Anthem a lot, showing the medal ceremonies and whatnot. And while the Star Spangled Banner is an OK song, I think we as a nation can do better. Here is this week's game:

If you got to choose the national anthem, what song would you pick?

We wanted to choose a song that everyone knows. One that can be sung in preparation for war, or in celebration of victory. One that inspires hope in all of our diverse people. So, we choose Thriller by Michael Jackson. What could be better than a super smash song sung by an American that, if needed, comes with a choreographed war dance?

Think you know an answer to the rhetorical question from the last paragraph? Put our new national anthem in the comments.

Ms. Scarlet in the Floor Exercise with the Rope

Did you know there were two different types of gymnastics in the Olympics? They have the one they show on TV all the time, with the high bar and the balance beam and the vault and stuff. That's called artistic gymnastics. Then they have a second type called rhythmic gymnastics. But, when I was looking at the individual events, I got a little confused. They have an event called Clubs and one called Rope. Those aren't gymnastic events, those are murder weapons in Clue.

Vote for 'Three legs are better than one'

On Friday, we asked everybody who they'd like to see in an Olympic Three-Legged Race. Lots of answers came in, and five of them are here for you to choose from.

[poll=5]

Vote today and you can see the winner tomorrow. Sound like fun?

One Last Thing

I know we've been talking about water polo a lot these days, but I've got one more thing to say.

So these people are playing this sport in a pretty deep pool where they have to tread water the whole time they're in there. So when one player commits a foul, that shouldn't just be a whistle and a stop in play. That should be attempted murder. He tried to drown the dude.

Air Quality

My mom called me on the phone today to tell me that the air quality was going to be bad today between 1 and 4. First, I thought, why only between 1 and 4? If I go outside at 12 and then again at 1:30, will I be like, "Whoa! The air quality sure has deteriorated since the last time I was out here." And to be honest, I'm not even sure what air quality means. I guess it has something to do with pollution, but that seems to be the type of thing that wouldn't go away right before rush hour. Then, I thought, what a trivial thing to call me about. I mean, I could understand if it was just said in passing, but she called for the exact purpose of informing me about the air quality. Only a true air quality enthusiast would be excited by that news, and he would probably have known it anyway.

Chapter 31: Johnny's Decision

The talking fox now finished telling his story to the two brothers.

"When I woke up, I realized I could speak. Then, I ran into you two. But enough about me. What are you guys up to?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, we are on our way to capture a criminal," Mike said proudly. "He's a bank robber, you know."

"That's cool," said the fox. "Can I help?"

"Sure! Let's-"

"Wait a second," Johnny interrupted. "Mike, we don't know who or even where this guy is, and we don't have access to crime scenes or anything. We don't have a plan!"

"But, we have to do something!" Mike looked at Johnny imploringly.

Johnny frowned. He was silent for a few moments, trying to decide what to do. Finally, he spoke. "Fine...let's train then. I said we should wait til the morning. It's morning. Let's try to harness our powers."

"Alright! BALL OF FIRE!!" Mike yelled, as he pointed a hand at Johnny.

"Dude! 1. We know you can't do that. 2. We can't show off our powers in public. 3. STOP TRYING TO SHOOT A BALL OF FIRE AT ME!"

"Hmm...Where can we go to practice? We can't do it in our apartment. It's too small and we might destroy it before we can harness our powers."

"I might be of some assistance in this matter," the fox said mysteriously. So, mysteriously in fact, that it we will have to wait until the next chapter to find out what he means.

Three legs are better than one

Last week, we asked you all to come up with new events for the Summer Olympics. You didn't disappoint, and after the votes were all counted, Luca wins for nominating the three-legged race.

But that got us thinking. Who would we want to see compete in the three-legged race? Who would make up the Redeem the Dream Team for three-legged races in 2012? So that sounded as good a question as any for this week's Game Time:

Who would you like to see compete in an Olympic three-legged race?

We would probably go with Yao Ming and Lin Hao, that little kid he was carrying in the opening ceremonies. He only goes up to Yao's hip so he would be the perfect size for a third leg.

Who do you want to see tied together? Answer by Tuesday!

Water Polf?

The other day, Mike talked about water polo and how there is too much swimming and not enough riding involved. My big problem with water polo is that their shirts look to much like water golf shirts.

Vote for Olympic Games

On Friday, we switched away from Headliners and asked an old fashioned straight up Game Time question about the Olympics. We wanted to know what Olympic event you would add if you had such power. The answers came in, and now it's time for you to vote.

[poll=4]

Vote quickly because the polls close by Friday morning when we reveal the winner. But unfortunately, if you win, it doesn't mean the Olympic Committee will approve your event.

The Sport of King Neptune

I was thinking about this week's Game Time today, and I thought of another sport I would add. Water Polo.

I know what you are thinking, "Mike, there already is water polo." No. There is a sport they call 'water polo', but that is really more like water handball. Polo is played on horses and with mallets. Water handball is nothing like the "Sport of Kings."

So, I suggest a new water polo. A real water polo. The players ride on dolphins and use tritons to smack the ball. Now that, my friends, is water polo.

Chapter 30: The Fox's Story

Mike and Johnny tried to ignore the sarcastic remarks from the fox but were curious as to his strange ability.

"So, could you always talk?" Johnny asked.

"No."

"Good, cause I say, 'Hello' to you like every day!" Mike chimed in.

"Yes, well, I couldn't respond before. Actually, it's a pretty weird story. Wanna hear it?"

"Please," said Mike, looking interested.

"Well, last night I was hanging out in the alley, as I usually do when it rains. All of a sudden, I saw that door over there open, but no one came out."

Mike and Johnny looked at each other, remembering Mike's first application of his super speed.

"Then, I turned back and saw a pizza box sitting on the trash can. Naturally, I went to eat it. It was delicious."

"See? Someone liked it," Mike said to Johnny.

"Dude, it was toxic! Mr. Fox, I mean, Fox, did you have any ill effects after eating it?"

"Oh, yes! I got sick and then passed out."

Johnny looked at Mike as if to say, "See? It was poisoned." Then, he actually did say, "See? It was poisoned."

Olympic Games

In our last Game Time, we asked for Headlines to an article about water on Mars. Then we left it up to you to choose a winner. And choose you did. Tony was declared the winner. Oh, good job! Good job!

For those of you who don't know, the Olympics start today. Wait, this year the Olympics are in Beijing, China. So that means we should say the Olympics started today. Past tense! Anyway, since we at the Pake Shlake Band are rather fond of games, this is one of our favorite times of the year. Or every four years. Or every two years. So we thought this would be an appropriate question:

If you got to add an Olympic event, what would it be?

You know how they have synchronized swimming and synchronized diving? We think they should add synchronized parallel parking. You'd get points for how precise your turning angles are. And be sure to avoid the 3 tenth's deduction for bumping the curb!

What do you think should be added to the Olympic Games? Post your answer by Tuesday.

Steve, I am your father

You know the song "Here Comes the Hotstepper"? In it, Ini Kamoze claims, "I'm the daddy of the Mac daddy." Now we know the true identity of Steve Jobs' father. Ch-ch-chang-chang.

Vote for Headline From Space

On Friday, we started another game of Headliners, and the answers are in. Reread the article summary and then vote for your favorite below. The winner will be announced on Friday with the new game.

On Thursday, NASA scientists announced that the Phoenix lander exploring Mars had confirmed the existence of water on the planet. This was done by analyzing an icy soil sample from the planet’s surface and then heating it. The discovery is a major breakthrough, creating more speculation about the possibility of life on Mars.

[poll=3]

Barack the vote.

Heavy Sleeper

I consider myself a heavy sleeper. But I'm trying to lose weight.

Chapter 29: The Fox's Name

"Excuse me, Mr. Fox, so, you can speak?" Mike asked.

The fox looked curiously up at Mike.

"No need to be so formal."

"Oh, thanks. I'm Mike, and this is my brother Johnny."

"Nice to meet you. I am Lucius."

"No way! Like the guy in the Batman movies! That's really your name?" Mike replied.

"Haha, no, that's just a joke. I saw that movie last night and I thought it would be funny."

"Hmm," Mike said. "So, what is your name?"

The fox looked around. "I don't have one, I guess. No one's ever asked me before."

"Well, we will call you 'the fox' for now, until you think of a name you like."

"Oh, wow, 'the fox' that's so clever! Never would have thought of that one..." said the fox.

Johnny frowned. "Maybe we should just call you 'the jerk.'"

Headline from Space

So last week, we played a game of Headliners about Facebook Scrabble and Scrabulous. We let you the readers vote, and you the readers have spoken. So congratulations to Meg for her Scrabble Squabble Squibble or whatever.

And now on to this week. We're going to be playing another round of Headliners, but we're going to ask that the answers are in a day early. We want to have all your answers in by Tuesday so that we can post the poll on Wednesday so that you can vote on Wednesday or Thursday so that we can have a winner on Friday so that we can write long sentences today.

Anyway, here's the story:

On Thursday, NASA scientists announced that the Phoenix lander exploring Mars had confirmed the existence of water on the planet. This was done by analyzing an icy soil sample from the planet's surface and then heating it. The discovery is a major breakthrough, creating more speculation about the possibility of life on Mars.

And here's our headline:
Scientists Find Ice on Mars, Now Searching for Tequila and Limes

Post your headline in the comments, and do it before Tuesday if you please.

'Celephones'

I'm gonna start spelling 'cellphone' 'celephone' so it looks like 'telephone'. I'm also gonna start putting 'single-quotes' 'around' random 'words'.

Vote for Scrabble Dabble

So last Friday, when we posted the new Game Time, we said that we'd be trying something new and that we wanted your answers in by Wednesday. Here's why - we're going to let you pick the winner!

Yes, we at the Pake Shlake Band, have decided to grant you, Time's Person of 2006, the power of selecting this week's Game Time winner. So remember the article?

Hasbro, who owns the rights to the classic board game Scrabble, is suing the makers of Scrabulous. Scrabulous is an online version of the game designed for Facebook users. Hasbro seeks to have the knock-off immediately shut down. Alfred Butts created Scrabble 70 years ago.

[poll=2]

Vote quickly because we're revealing the winner tomorrow with the new Game Time question.

Macchio Man

I was thinking recently if Hollywood ever made a movie about me, it should star Ralph Macchio. But then I thought, if Hollywood makes a movie about anything, it should star Ralph Macchio.

Chameleon Feet

Somebody should invent shoes that change colors based on your environment. That way, like chameleons, your feet would always be camouflaged.
Why would anyone want that?
What do you mean, 'Why would anyone want that?'? That would be awesome!
I just don't see the value in it.
Come on. No one would be able to see your feet. They would be like, "Where are your feet!?" And you'd be like, "I don't know...maybe they walked away. Ha ha." And you would laugh.
Yeah. Still don't see any value in it.
Well, I'd buy a pair.

And that, ladies and gentlemen was a discussion with myself. Thank you very much.
You're welcome.

Chapter 28: The Fox

When we last left our heroes, they were busy getting a fox confused with a monkey.

"Well, let me try again, " Mike said. "Ooh! A fox!"

Walking out from the alley was a brown fox, looking warily at the two brothers.

"It's OK, little guy," Mike said, "we won't hurt you."

"Why are you calling the fox over? He might attack!"

"Why would he attack? I just said we wouldn't hurt him."

"Well, foxes are sly..." the fox said.

"Whoa!" Johnny said. "I found a new power! I can talk to animals!"

"Dude, anyone can talk to animals, it's understanding them when they talk back that is the power."

"Fine, I can talk with animals! I can understand that fox."

"Hey, I heard him too! That's so cool!"

"Sorry to disappoint you two, but everyone can understand me. I am a talking fox."

"Hmm, I think this fox knows how to speak," Mike said.

"Hey, you might be right..." said the fox.

"He knows sarcasm, too," Johnny added.

Scrabble Dabble

Hello, again! Last week, we asked you all to write stories about baseball, dead cats, and ice cream, three of our favorite things. Lorenzo wins primarily for mentioning St. Peterkins. Congratulationskins.

This week we thought we'd give Headliners another shot. You remember how to play? Here is the news article:

Hasbro, who owns the rights to the classic board game Scrabble, is suing the makers of Scrabulous. Scrabulous is an online version of the game designed for Facebook users. Hasbro seeks to have the knock-off immediately shut down. Alfred Butts created Scrabble 70 years ago.

And here's our very own headline:
Hasbro senses Risk of Trouble, wants Monopoly on online Scrabble

Think you can do better? Post your healine in the comments. Oh and we want to try something new this week, so try to get your answers in as soon as possible. Let's throw out Wednesday as the cut off date.

Shoo, Shoe

You know that nursery rhyme? No, not that one. Not that one either. Yeah, that one! It starts like this:

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.

I have some advice, ma'am. MOVE OUT OF THE SHOE!

Side note: If you look at the word "shoe" long enough, you will be convinced that it is spelled wrong, since S-H-O-E can't possibly be pronounced the way we pronounce "shoe".

The I'm Impatient and Gullible Button

You know what could possible be the biggest hoax of all time? The Close Door button on elevators.

Hexa-gone

Hexagons don't get any love in the street sign world. I mean, you have triangles, squares, octagons, even the occasional pentagon for schools, but no hexagons. Where is the justice? Maybe Mr. Heptagon can tell us where it is.

Chapter 27: The Monkey

"I think I've been tricked..." Johnny said as the two were now standing outside.

"Yeah, a bit, but you know deep down you want to save the world."

"Mike, it was a petty criminal, hardly an issue of world safety."

"Maybe, but if he's like us, he's just learned of his powers, so he will soon be getting stronger, and might try to steal a bit more than chump change. Ooh! A monkey!"

"Um, dude, that's a fox," Johnny said, as Mike started to approach the animal.

"I know, but saying chump change made me say monkey. You know chump, chimp, monkey, it's natural."

"No, it's not natural...especially since the monkey is always outside our place."

"See, you just called the fox a monkey too! Clever fox!"

Catter Up

So last week, Mike talked about the Paul Simon song, "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover," and for last week's Game Time, we asked you all to tell us some more ways. There were lots of good entries, but we're gonna have to give the prize to Elizabeth for her "Jump off a cliff, Biff." Kind of a sad way to leave your lover, since you will also be leaving the rest of the living world too, but still.

Anyway, on to this week's game. This week, we've talked about ice cream, baseball, and dead cats. So this week's game will be to write a story using all of these key plot elements. (Oh, we should probably bold the game and put it on its own line).

Write a story involving ice cream, baseball, and dead cats.

Here's ours:
Once upon a time, there was a man named Jimmy. Jimmy loved ice cream, baseball, and dead cats. Jimmy was very strange. The end.

Your turn.

Felicide

Curiosity killed the cat. I want to know who killed it the other eight times.

All-Star Game

Last night was the 2008 Major League Baseball All-Star Game. The American League won 4-3 in 15 innings. The game didn't end until almost 2 AM. Since it went so long, the announcers kept talking about how the American League All Stars Manager Terry Francona had such a difficult decision to make this night, and how they felt bad for him.

I, for one, did not feel bad. His decision was whether or not to let a pitcher pitch for more than one inning. Instead, I felt bad for the poor fan cheering for the National League who stayed up watching the game, would only get four hours of sleep, and then have to go to work the next day...at a job that doesn't involve getting paid millions of dollars and watching baseball all day. And that poor fan is I.

We All Scream

I saw an ice cream truck the other day, and there was a sign, "Caution: Children" with a picture of a running child. I guess the idea is kids will get excited by the ice cream truck and run straight for it without looking around for traffic, and the sign is telling the other drivers to watch out. But that's absurd. The sign should read, "Caution: Everybody" with a picture of me running towards the truck.