Oscar Headlines

Howdy, folks! Who wants to play a Game Time? You do! But, before we begin, let's recap last week's game.

We thought that "Hail to the Chief" was getting a little trite, and we asked you to think of a replacement. Well, after reading all the answers, we decided that our answer of "The Imperial March" was the best. But, since we feel bad declaring ourselves the winners, we will give the other options a second look.

Firstly, we thought Mary's answer of "Jock Jams" was good but too vague. By our count, there are at least seven Jock Jams CDs, and that's not even counting the "Jock Rock" and "Slam Jams" spin-offs. We don't really approve of spin-offs. Since we couldn't figure out exactly which song she meant, we couldn't declare her the winner.

Next, Tony asked if we asked a similar question recently. Well, no, we didn't. We asked what would Superman's favorite song be. The President of the United States, is not allergic to Kryptonite, and therefore cannot be Superman. So, different question. But, guess what? "Jump for my Love" still loses. Sorry!


Sami gave a very good answer, "The Immigrant Song" in the sense of Led Zeppelin. But that got us thinking about "The Immigrant Song" in the sense of The Godfather theme. And then we got distracted.

Elizabeth's answer was OK, but we certainly like DJ's spin-off better. But, since we don't really approve of spin-offs, we decided neither one should win. Although, we also decided to listen to the HBO movie intro again. That song is awesome!

So, we decided the winner should be...us! That's right, folks. The Pake Shlake Band wins for our answer of the Imperial March. We said we felt bad declaring ourselves the winners, but not that bad. Now, onto this week's game!

For those of you who don't know, the Oscars happened last week, and there were some surprise winners. Well, no. Actually, all the winners were entirely predictable. But, that doesn't make it not news! So, we are going to play the PSB original game, Headliners. Remember how to play? Try to think of a clever newspaper headline to this news story.

"Slumdog Millionaire" was the big winner in the 81st Academy Awards, winning for best picture and best director, Danny Boyle. Sean Penn won his second Academy Award for his leading role of Harvey Milk in the movie "Milk," while Kate Winslet won her first Oscar for her leading performance in "The Reader." Heath Ledger was posthumously awarded best supporting actor as the Joker in "The Dark Knight." Pixar also won another best animated feature Oscar, this time for "Wall-E."

Here is our headline:

"Milk" awarded best actor; "Cookies" snubbed.

Now it's your turn! Post your headlines in the comments, and see if you can unseat the PSB at their own game. Not likely.

The Half Shell Edition of Random Snippets

What's that you say? You want more random snippets of conversation? We aim to please!

• "That's why you should never lick your money."


• "Incompetence is not delicious."


• "Why, yes! I do know the way to San Jose!"


• "Don't be a drag, participate! Clams on the half shell and roller skates!"


• "Heroes in a half shell. Turtle power!"

Obama's Speech

Mardi Gras

For those of you who don't know, today is Mardi Gras. (You're welcome.) Mardi Gras happens on a Tuesday, as the name Fat Tuesday implies. However, I found out something interesting. Did you know that this year, the Presidential Inauguration was on a Tuesday? And did you know that St. Patrick's Day will also be on a Tuesday? And that Cinco De Mayo is also on a Tuesday? It's like the year of Tuesday holidays! Except, of course, none of these are holidays.

And the Snuffleupagus goes to...

The Oscars were given out yesterday. Apparently, that's some big deal. Everyone wants to know who won the Oscar for this, who won the Oscar for that.

Me? I couldn't care less. I'm waiting for the Snuffies.

 
 
 

Best Presidential Beat

Hey everybody, it's Friday, and you know what that means! Full House followed be Urkel? No, another round of Game Time! But before we go to the next game, let's recap last week's and declare a winner.

So last Friday, we asked everyone to come up with a make-believe fact that linked Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin. And by make-believe fact, we mean, in fact, not a fact.

The first shout out goes to Tony, just because he spoke Shlakese. You'd think you all would have learned at least a little bit by now. I mean, it's easier than Latin, what more do you want?!

Now we have a bit of bad news. Sonny's answer was a little too close to true to be worthy of the win. Abraham Lincoln does in fact hold patent # 6469, and since it is designed for a boat, and we have no evidence that Charles Darwin did not, in fact, use it. Therefore, we regret to inform Sonny that his entry was invalid. Apologies to our former champ.

Sid's answer involving evolutionary advantages and top hats is especially funny since Darwin in fact did postulate that top hats were not a functional advantage in baboons. Unfortunately, Sid's answer is also disqualified, since it contains no link between Darwin and Lincoln. Honest Abe wore a stove pipe hat, not a top hat. One might argue that all hats go on atop one's head, so all hats are top hats. We would consider the argument, if presented, which it was not.

Speaking of stove pipe hats, we give props to Sami. In general, references to blinged out things that are not and in all likelihood will never be blinged out, i.e. a blinged out stove pipe hats, are worthy of props. Hence, props to Sami.

Now, it's time to reveal the winner. Who is the winner? Well, the winner is Elizabeth! She used classic trivia about Darwin, i.e. that his ship was named the HMS Beagle, and put it to good use. In fact, this might be the only time in history when knowing the name of Darwin's ship has ever been worth anything. So, congratulations Elizabeth, you are this week's champ!

Now on to this week's game. On Tuesday, Mike talked about a list created by C-SPAN that ranked the presidents from best to worst. Best to worst? Presidents? Sounds like something we at the Pake Shlake Band would do.

So we've decided to bring back the PSB original game Bests and Worsts with a Presidential theme. Unlike last time when we asked for a Worst, this time we want you to give us a Best.

Best Song to Replace "Hail to the Chief"

You know "Hail to the Chief," right? It's the one that goes "bum ba da bum, bum ba doo bee da bee doo ba, dee dittley wow, bam be doobley doobley wonk wonk wonk wonk." Anyway, that song is what they play whenever the President comes into the room, and if you ask us, it's getting old and needs some updating.

Here's our answer for the Best song to replace it: The Imperial March from Star Wars. That way whenever the President walks in to the room, you won't know if it's Barack Obama or Darth Vader.

What do you think? Comments.

The Chat Goes On

Remember last week when I showed you a chat I had with my friend's away message? Here's another example of a Shlakerific chat.

Sonny Jim: dude question
Shlakes: a "dude question," huh
Sonny Jim: im suppose to fly from BWI
Shlakes: like who is dudelier, michelangelo or fire from captain planet?
Sonny Jim: dunno if i should drive there or train there
Shlakes: definitely gotta go with michelangelo
he ate his pizzas BACKWARDS
Sonny Jim: make sense driving as i am getting in at 12am on sunday night
what you think?
Shlakes: you're right
plus the fire dude from captain planet was kinda a jerk
got into fights and stuff before he met gaia

That was chatterific.

Choogawhatnow?

It's time once again for Learning Shlakese: One Word at a Time. Or Shlakese 101 for you college folks.

Choogadarai -
  You got that right; yes; you better believe it; you said it; you are correct, sir; am I not nodding in agreement?; right on, daddio

Example
Stranger: Hey, aren't you Johnny from the Pake Shlake Band?
Johnny: Choogadarai.
Stranger: I'm sorry, what was that?
Johnny: Choogadarai. You know, CHOO-GA-DA-RAI.
Stranger: You're strange.
Johnny: Choogadarai.
Stranger: You're stranger than strange. And I should know. I'm a stranger!
Johnny: I gotta go now.

Wasn't that fun? Shlakese, making the world brighter one word at a time. Or in this case, four words at one time at a time. Huh?

Popular Presidents

So yesterday was President's Day (did you notice, no post?) and in honor of the occasion, President's Day, C-SPAN came out with a list of the Presidents of the United States of America, ranked from best to worst. (Was Jason Finn the worst? He was a sucky drummer.) What? Not those Presidents. These Presidents. (Oh, my bad.)

Anyway, on this list, Abraham Lincoln was first, just barely edging out George Washington, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and Charles Darwin. Our nation's ninth president, William Henry Harrison, was ranked 39th out of 42. For those of you who don't know, William Henry Harrison was president for a grand total of one month. Um, then how bad were Franklin Pierce, Andrew Johnson, and James Buchanan?

Real bad.

Bicentennial Birthdays

What time is it? Game Time! Whoop!

Last week, we gave you a little snippet of a news article about Groundhog Day, in which a precocious woodchuck bit the finger of the Mayor. We asked you to give us some headlines, and you obliged. On to the shout outs!

Luca gets the first shout out for his answer "Whistlepig Calls Bloomberg 'Bleeding Hand Liberal'", merely because he referenced whistlepig. As well he should.

Next, half a shout-out goes to Sami, and the other half to Tony, for their respective answers of "Breaking News: Offending Groundhog a Registered Republican" and "Groundhog demands less 'Hands On' government." While their posts were not worthy of themselves, when you combine the two into like a headline and sub-headline, then it's pretty good.

Nick gave a strong run to become a back-to-back champion with his response, "Groundhog Says Mayor ‘Tastes Like Chicken.’" It was a close call, but we decided not to give the W to Nick, because we felt, while woodchucks might be able to chuck wood, they still can't talk.

So, the winner of this week's Game Time is...Sonny! The hilarity of his headline, "End is near: Groundhog meteorologist forecasts blood!" was matched only by his second response, clarifying that it was, in fact, his response. Congratulations, Sonny, you are now our reigning champion!

For those of you who don't know, this week was the bicentennial of a couple of famous birthdays. Abraham Lincoln, the Great Emancipator, was born February 12, 1809, as was famous naturalist and evolutionist Charles Darwin. We thought we would dedicate our Game Time to these two historical figures.

Create a little-known fact about some connection between Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin.

What do we mean by that? Well, it doesn't actually have to be a fact. In truth, it will be funnier if it is not true. So, make up something. Here is our answer.

Growing up in Illinois, Lincoln's favorite toy was his stuffed Galapagos Tortoise.

See? Easy enough. Play, my friends. Play. And see if you can make Sonny a former champion.

Wishful Thinking

So a long time ago, I told you my problem with genies - no wishing for more wishes. And I've been thinking about it. You know, if these genies are so strict about how many wishes we get, they should really only give us two wishes.

Why two? Cause everyone's first wish, obviously, would be for a clean lamp.

 

 
Genie: "So wait a second. You're wasting a wish on cleaning my lamp?"
Dude: "Why else would I be rubbing the darn thing?"
Genie: "Your wish is my command. Two wishes left."
Dude: "Can I have more wishes?"
Genie: "Dude, you CRAZY????"

More Snippets

Hey, remember when we talked about random snippets of conversation? Here are some more!

• "But Bill Russell, that man ran around in his underwear."


• "Name your babies if you want, but don't talk about them at lunch."


• "Despite dark clouds throughout most of Madrid, the storm is predicted to remain in the plains."


• What the...? It's filled with needles! Who could eat this?


• I am anonymous.

Chatting It Up, Shlake Style

So we at the Pake Shlake Band have a strange way of talking. We've got our own language, we talk to ourselves, and just the other day, I realized we have a unique way of chatting online too.

Example? CHOOWANDAEXAMPLE?? Okay, here's an example. Just the other day, I was having a conversation with my friend Ghazo's away message.

Ghazo: Time to heed Obama's call
Shlakes: i think you should change your message to
Time to feed Obama's cat
Sent at 9:47 PM on Thursday

Ghazo: hmmm maybe i should
Sent at 8:58 AM on Friday
Ghazo: Time to feed Obama's cat

Shlakes: haha
thanks for changing that
Ghazo: haha yes
although i wish someone had commented and been like what are you talking about
Shlakes: now make it Mime to steal Obama's car
itll sound like youre a sage
a seer if you will
Ghazo: ooh, a seer is good
Sent at 2:11 PM on Friday
Ghazo: Mime to steal Obama's car

Shlakes: now change it to
Mime to kill Radio Star
and then
Mime is wanted for Homicide
and then Mime is behind invisible bars
and then Mimes are ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!!
Sent at 4:38 PM on Friday

Ghazo: hahahaha
i like the mimes are behind invisible bars
but no
Sent at 8:21 PM on Friday
Ghazo: Time to heed Obama's call

When Life Gives You Lemons

You know the expression, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"? I think the idea behind that expression is lemons are gross, but lemonade is good.

Okay, but I am not a big fan of lemonade, so I don't really like that expression. I've come up with a better one: "When life gives you olives, make olive oil." I think the number of people who dislike olives is about the same as those who dislike lemons, and their dislike is comparable. But olive oil is much better than lemonade. I mean, think of the number of people who like olive oil more than lemons. I can think of at least one. This guy.

Groundhog Day

Hello, again. Well, another week has come and gone. But that means there is another Game Time to play. You guys remember last week's game? It was a PSB Original game called Bests and Worsts, and we asked you to give us the worst nickname for a professional football team. (We were a little surprised that no one said the Detroit Lions. Man, they stink.) Anyway, we got a lot of good answers, and some not so good answers (Sweet Feet?), so, we wanted to give a few shout outs before declaring a winner.

First, we were gonna give Sami props for his shout out to Redskins' third string quarterback from the 2002 season, until we realized his name was Danny Wuerffel and not Wurzelbacher. So, Sami gets a tsk tsk for not knowing enough Redskins history. Tsk, tsk, Sami!

Next, we give props to Meg for her answer of the Tampa Tutus, not because it was particularly funny, but because it led to Zo's response of the Desmond Tutus, which was particularly funny.

DJ's answer of The Boston Creme Pies would have won, if he hadn't added the deliciously incompetent line. Incompetence is NOT delicious.

And finally, a good job to Max for his response of the Denver Last Dinosaurs, an obvious shout out to the obscure Saturday morning cartoon Denver, the Last Dinosaur, a show about a dinosaur named Denver who lived in modern times, modern being 1988. (Side note: The first line of that theme song was: "Denver! The last dinosaur! He's my friend and a whole lot more!" A whole lot more than a friend? Now that's getting into some freaky dino-loving for a kid's show!)

But, after all those good responses, we declare Nick the winner, with his answer of "The New York Narcoleptics." Well, done, Nick! You are our reigning champion!

Now, onto this week's game. In case you didn't notice, this was Rodent Week here at Shlake.com. That's right, folks, in honor of Groundhog Day, we decided to dedicate some of our time to those furry pests that most of us dislike. (Most of us? You mean everyone except Willard?) Mike had a post about woodchucks, which, for those of you who don't know, is actually the same thing as a groundhog! Crazy world, isn't it? (Side note: Why would you call that creature a woodchuck or a groundhog if you could get away with calling it a whistlepig?) Then Johnny talked about ROUS's, Capybaras, and former Eastern European nations in his post yesterday, so we decided to round out Rodent Week with another round of the PSB Original Game, Headliners. Here's a brief news article summary, your job is to come up with a clever headline to the article.

Charles G. Hog, New York's resident rodent meteorologist, bit the hand of Mayor Michael Bloomberg during the Groundhog Day ceremony. The bite was deep enough to cause the Mayor to start bleeding. The groundhog never came out of his home, so it was not determined if spring will come early, or if winter will last six more weeks.

Here is our answer:

Groundhog Bites Mayor; Asks for 5 More Minutes of Hibernation.

See? Simple enough. Now it's our turn. Put your headlines in the comments, and see if you can dethrone Nick!

Capybaras

Have you ever heard of the capybara? It's a big furry creature that I've seen in the zoo. Looking it up on Wikipedia - where I've learned everything I know - I found out that the name "Capybara" comes from "Kapiÿva" and means "Master of the Grasses." That's an awesome name. I wish I could be the master of something. Other than JezzBall.

Anyway, by further research (like finishing the second sentence from Wikipedia), I learned that the capybara's scientific name is hydrochaeris. Hydrochaeris means "Water Hog." I bet the capybara is thinking, "Thanks, Linnaeus. I went from the Grass Master to a wet pig. Grac."

And with less research (I finally went back to sentence one) I learned that the capybara is the largest living rodent in the world. Wait a second, Wikisourceofallknowledge. You can't fool me. I guess the Wikigods have never seen the Princess Bride because we all know that the Rodents of Unusual Size are much bigger than 4.3 feet long.

Disappointed, I did a little more research, this time on my Wikiatlas, Google Maps. Seems like the Master of the Googles hasn't seen the Princess Bride either because I could not for the life of me find Guilder. And it thinks Florin is in California.

Just as I was about to lose all hope in the internet, I figured it all out. The Princess Bride takes place in the past, right? So maybe something happened to Florin and Guilder like what happened to Czechoslovakia. They had a war or changed their name or something, I don't know. Reading much further into the good old capybara article I found out that there are fossils of much bigger rodents - like possible R.O.U.S.'s size. And they lived in Uruguay. Which was then known as Florin I guess.

Thank you. You're fat.

Hello, and welcome to another lesson in Shlakese, the world's only nonsensical language, other than Esperanto. Here is today's lesson.

Grac -
  1. Thank you, derived from the Spanish word "gracias" which means thank you.
  2. fat; also spelled gras, to show its origins, since "gras" in French means fat.

Want context? Here you go!

Example:
Mike: Hey, Johnny, pass the french fries.
Johnny: Here.
Mike: Grac.
Johnny: Yup, you!
Mike: No, I mean grac, not gras!
Johnny: I know. I'm just calling you fat.
Mike: Hmm.

Understand? Well, it's okay. Shlakese takes time. So far, you should be able to use brav, coach, joke/gioc, and grac/gras in a sentence. Prove it. In the comments.

Chucking Wood

"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" I have a problem with this little riddle. It is based on the tenuous assumption that a woodchuck cannot chuck wood, and I'm not buying it.

 

 

The Super Bowl